Words of Wisdom...

  • Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
  • The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
  • It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
  • Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
  • Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
  • No one is listening until you pass gas.
  • Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
  • Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
  • If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
  • Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
  • If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  • Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  • If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  • If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
  • Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.
  • Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
  • The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
  • A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  • Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
  • There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither one works.
  • Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
  • Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  • Never miss a good chance to shut up.
  • We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass...then things get worse.
  • Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
  • There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
  • No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
  • There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.
  • Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
  • THE MOST WASTED DAY OF ALL IS ONE IN WHICH WE HAVE NOT LAUGHED.

Comments

CrazyCris said…
"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together."
-> I'm sure MacGyver would agree!!!

"THE MOST WASTED DAY OF ALL IS ONE IN WHICH WE HAVE NOT LAUGHED."
-> and now thx to you this day has not been wasted! ;o)
M.J. said…
Beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy.

Hey! Who took the top off my lunch?

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case....coincidence? I think not!
Brian Miller said…
i ditto chris in that you saved the day...note to self: skip sky diving and stop taking the sleeping pills...
Sylvia said…
Nice. I'm overwhelmed. I'm the kind of girl that always tests the depth of water with both feet. LOL

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