Misery and Passion...

Holy crap, here I go again. It’s Tuesday morning and before I have even had a chance to finish my first cup of coffee, I’ve ran out of things to do. How the hell am I going to make it through the next 8 hours?


I’m starting to get the feeling that I am a certain someone’s insurance policy. It’s like I’ve been brought here for no other reason than a potential backup for the scenario “in case someone gets hit by a bus”. This scenario in the corporate world, I believe is called cross training. Yep, it makes perfect sense - considering I am serving no other real purpose than taking up space and sucking up air that could otherwise be used by the actual participating, contributing members of working society. Once I again, I ponder my future.


I can’t seem to win. When I have enough work to keep me busy and the days are whizzing by, I am stuck working for asses in a virtual hell-hole. Then, when I finally have an employer that I enjoy working with, I don’t have enough work to get me through the first hour of my day. Either way, the end results are the same – I am miserable. If it wasn’t for the sad economy and the need for a pay check, I would be moving on to greener, more fruitful pastures. I want to be passionate about something other than lunch.


This ongoing lack of career fulfillment is a plague that has shadowed me for far too long. I obviously have bad judgment or issues with my moral compass. Is there such a thing as echolocation for humans? I liken myself to a whale that repeatedly beaches itself for no apparent reason. I flounder about, suffocating in my own misery, until I’m pushed into deeper water, free at last; however my freedom is short-lived and before you know it, I’ve turned from my voyage to open water and have proceeded to once again beach myself into misery and despair. How long will my carcass rot in the sun this time? Will the tide turn? Will there ever be another chance to swim to freedom or am I simply destined for mediocrity? Ughh!!


Like innocent bystanders, my friends and family members watch helplessly, knowing full well that they could not have predicted my next move or convinced me that perhaps I should rethink career paths entirely, because in the end, I would do what I wanted to do, no matter what the consequences. My career life is like a car accident – you slow down to take a look, regardless of how gruesome the sight might be.


Believe me, I try to find things to occupy my day. I’ve alphabetized, digitized, prioritized and organized everything within my path and surrounding areas. I’ve color coded files, created lists, spreadsheets, flowcharts, summary sheets, organizational charts and databases. I’ve even created a database of all of my databases. My only option for entertainment is to start making fun on my co-workers and they aren't that entertaining to begin with. Seriously, I need help.

Comments

Brian Miller said…
i feel for you. maybe you do need a fresh change...what do you enjoy? i gave a talk at my alma mater a couple years ago and made it a point to address the freshmen and sophmores about exploring their passions...before they became seniors and settled for what they could get. or they got out in the working work and could not afford a change. this economy may not be the best to make a change though. a conundrum...maybe you should start writing a book or find something to use your time doing that is productive for you in the long run...i dunno...just hope it gets better...
@Brian - Thanks for your input. It's hard to put a finger on my passion - at least the one that would allow me to have it all - world travel, family balance and money ;)

I have written one children's book (which remains unpublished) and have started to write my memoirs (LOL), which has in turn lead me to blogging.

Don't get me wrong - I do love what I do when I'm busy and I am very good at it (not to toot my own horn or anything, but I am). I just believe I'm destined for more and know I will achieve it in time.

Thanks again - I appreciate it.
Sylvia said…
Change, my friend. You have only one life! I know the feeling... Break free! Money is needed, I know, but I've learned that sometimes, earning a little less, we can have a better quality of life. I am going to do it. If I don't die trying!
JW.BW said…
Maybe you can do some volunteer work out side of your normal job just to give your self a change of pace for a while and something else to day dream about while you are at work!! Its hard when you are not satisfied with your job. I hope it gets better for you!!
CrazyCris said…
What happened to that potential other job you were talking about? You knowm the one where they got in touch with you????

The only thing I can think of to improve/reduce your boredom within the workplace is to go ask your boss for something that involves a little more responsibility...

good luck!!!
@Sylvia - Once I figure out where my passion truly lies, I will make a change. I've decided to put together a 5 year plan and see where that will take me.

@JW - I've thought about volunteering - perhaps for Habitat for Humanity (in some far, far away destination). Is there such a thing in DJ?

@Cris - Oh, I'm still waiting on that one, so all hope might not be lost. Funny, they contacted me in such a big hurry for a commitment, but the guy "is too busy" to provide me with an offer letter and then there are space issues. I suspect something will come up with that in the next month or so, but in the meantime I'm hoping my lottery numbers come up so I can visit Spain ;)
otin said…
I love that line about wanting to be passionate about things other than lunch! Well said!!!!
K13 said…
Your post pretty much explains my entire career after my 1st job. My 1st job was the best & it has been all downhill since then. I'm sure hoping that this schooling & career change makes me a happier person. Just being OUT of Corporate America makes me happy, so I'm positive about my future career.
@Otin - Thanks! I live for lunch...

@K13 - I think you are right - Corporate America is to blame and it is sucking the life out of me. If I could just figure out what I want to do, I would think about going back to school too. Maybe I should post a survey?

Popular posts from this blog

What I Did On My Summer Vacation - An Essay...