I Was Feeling Pretty Good Until...

I had my annual “physical” yesterday.   I’ve been attending the same clinic for well over 20 years and am overall happy with the service I receive.  The clinic is part of a state-of-the-art teaching hospital, so with that I typically have relatively quick access to a network of specialists should the need arise.  With that being said, I’m usually treated by residents and have rarely had the same resident in all my 20 years.
I felt pretty good going into the appointment and then not so much by the time I left.   Why do you ask?
  • Well, first of all I was treated by Miss Doogie Howser.   I swear she wasn’t even legal drinking age.  That in itself made me feel old, because when I first started going to that clinic – I WAS her age.
  • As she was running down the standard list of questions (i.e. do you smoke, how much do you drink, is there any history of heart problems in your family), she asked me “How is your sex life?  Any concerns?  Are you satisfied with it?”  Ummm, wow I think to myself, how do I answer this?  I’m sure I’ve experienced more in the last few weeks than she has in her ENTIRE lifetime.  Instead of blurting out that I’m “well versed in the art of Kama sutra”, I just smile and say "everything is fine, no concerns".
  • She then performs the standard “check up”, but while doing so, points out that I have “a lot of sun damage”.  What?   According to her - freckles are considered sun damage.  I have had these same freckles since I was 6 and I’m a redhead, so I guess I’m automatically predisposed to “sun damage”.
  • She then finds one freckle sun damaged spot that is particularly concerning to her.  I think it’s a wart and it’s been there for at least 5 years.  She now has me scheduled for a biopsy on my wart – “just to be sure”!
  • I’m also scheduled for fasting and bloods tests in the near future – “just to be sure that nothing else is wrong with me”.
  • Oh and apparently, my urine sample had something funky going on too, so they are sending that away for tests – “just to be sure”.  Seriously?
I went in feeling like a million bucks, but by the time I left, I was feeling like I had a whole bunch of undiagnosed diseases - gout, arthritis, dementia, kidney stones, high blood pressure, liver disease and let’s not forget - irreversible sun damage.


K13 said…
I know this isn't a funny matter, but the way you write always cracks me up. I love it!

I didn't know you are a red-head!!

Love the sex question...oh my!
Brian Miller said…
gotta love those kinda visits...i am sure you will be fine...
This is why I avoid doctors like the plague!
M.J. said…
This is why I seek doctors who match my "why worry" attitude. I went through three spine doctors before finding someone I liked. The first two wanted to cut me open and extend bones, add new rods and all other kinds of scary things, as well as have me in at least once a year to check up on my "condition." The new person I see, says exercise often and come back if you experience abnormal pain--otherwise just live. She and I see eye to eye.
R. Jacob said…
I'm not a doctor, but i can play one on a TV somewhere, say ahhhh
Apparently, my topic offended someone - I lost another follower...c'est la vie.

@K13 - It is funny a funny matter. I was feeling good and then she points our everything that could possibly be wrong - gosh.

As for the sex question - it's a standard one here in Canada. I guess because our health care is free, they want to make sure you get the best out of all factors in life!

@Brian - Yeah,I know everything will be fine.

@The Pale Observer - I usually do to, but I needed a damn prescription renewal and they won't give you one until you pay them a visit.

@MJ - I don't worry about these things. I know by the time I go next year, she will be gone and I'll have another one to contend with.

@R. Jacob - Ha Ha Ha!! At least it's not "turn your head and cough"...
Me said…
well i surely hope all of that comes out ok. but you do have a hysterical way of telling even this story. the labels are making me giggle too. who would have thought that one post would encompass doctors, sex life AND sun!!! YEY!!!!!
Rachel said…
I have to go Friday. Ugh.
Sarah said…
I regularly get a 'work up' at the doc since I am diabetic so that part wouldn't be a surprise. I wouldn't have guessed you were a red head, then again, I have never seen a pic of you! Not that you care but I am blonde with no freckles and my hubs is blonde with tons of freckles. Wonder how the kid will end up?!

You always write in such a funny way - you crack me up! :)
What a crappy visit. I absolutely refuse to go to any doctor but my regualar one, although I know having a steady doctor is hard for some people. I will not, under any circumstances, go to a walk in doctor either. I too am sure everything will be fine, sounds like you got a toddler out of school to treat you. Sucks.
Rebecca S. said…
I remember a locum doctor (I really like my regular one) who had the bedside manner of a fencepost. She did my 'annual checkup, too' and only cracked a very slight smile when I complimented her on her funky shoes. Jeez!
Well....at least your sex life is good!
CrazyCris said…
From a fellow redhead: try as I might, I never can seem to get rid of this damn orange spots on my skin! And yes, they must be induced by sun damage since they multiply like rabbits in the summer! :p

I love my hair... but hate my skin! So many potential problems to worry about... sigh!
Keely said…
Um, better safe than sorry?

I got nothing. I hate it when they order invasive tests for no good reason.
Jacqui said…
Newbie doctors rely on tests for diagnosis, older ones rely on experience. Give me an older one any day, the newbies can pratice on someone else.
Jingle said…

some friendship seeds,
Happy May!

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