Heard It Through A Cube Wall...Version 3.0
The saga of my neighbors in the HR Department continues. As hard as they are to believe, these are true stories – based on true accounts.
I try not to engage these individuals in conversation because, honestly - I just don’t have the energy. BUT since I happen to sit in close vicinity to them, I can’t hide from their stupid questions or avoid getting sucked into their conversations.
HR Assistant: (yelling over the wall at me) - How do you spell “dub-a-u”?
HR Assistant: I said, how do you spell “dub-ah-u”?
Me: Do you have something in your mouth? What language are you speaking?
HR Assistant: I’m not speaking anything. I’m trying to type the word “dub-a-hu” and spell check is telling me it is spelled wrong.
Me: Are you trying the type the word “W”, as in the letter “W”, as in I’m taking a WALK?
HR Assistant: Yes
Me: (sarcastic tone) (shocking I know!) I don’t know, check www.dictionary.com and while you’re at it, can you check on how you spell the letter “B” for me.
HR Assistant: That one’s easy. It’s B-E-E.
I had to leave my desk because I was convulsing with laughter.
HR Assistant: I’m allergic to tomatoes.
Me: Really? That would be horrible. I would die if I couldn’t eat spaghetti sauce, toasted tomato sandwiches or even ketchup.
HR Assistant: Oh, I can eat ketchup.
Me: Really? But I thought you said you were allergic to tomatoes.
HR Assistant: Oh I am, but tomatoes come from a field and ketchup comes from a bottle, so ketchup’s okay.
Me: (silence) There are no words...
At that point in the conversation, I had to walk away…for safety reasons…my own safety reasons, as I suspect my death will come from choking to death on my tongue or snorting coffee through my nose.
I kid you not, these are true events!