Heard It Through A Cube Wall...Version 3.0

The saga of my neighbors in the HR Department continues.  As hard as they are to believe, these are true stories – based on true accounts. 

I try not to engage these individuals in conversation because, honestly - I just don’t have the energy.  BUT since I happen to sit in close vicinity to them, I can’t hide from their stupid questions or avoid getting sucked into their conversations.

HR Assistant:   (yelling over the wall at me) - How do you spell “dub-a-u”?

Me:  Huh?

HR Assistant:  I said, how do you spell “dub-ah-u”?

Me:  Do you have something in your mouth?  What language are you speaking?

HR Assistant:  I’m not speaking anything.  I’m trying to type the word “dub-a-hu” and spell check is telling me it is spelled wrong.

Me:  Are you trying the type the word “W”, as in the letter “W”, as in I’m taking a WALK?

HR Assistant:  Yes

Me:  (sarcastic tone) (shocking I know!) I don’t know, check www.dictionary.com and while you’re at it, can you check on how you spell the letter “B” for me.

HR Assistant:  That one’s easy.  It’s B-E-E.

I had to leave my desk because I was convulsing with laughter. 

HR Assistant:  I’m allergic to tomatoes.

Me:      Really?  That would be horrible.  I would die if I couldn’t eat spaghetti sauce, toasted tomato sandwiches or even ketchup.

HR Assistant:   Oh, I can eat ketchup.

Me:  Really?  But I thought you said you were allergic to tomatoes.

HR Assistant:  Oh I am, but tomatoes come from a field and ketchup comes from a bottle, so ketchup’s okay.

Me:  (silence)  There are no words...

At that point in the conversation, I had to walk away…for safety reasons…my own safety reasons, as I suspect my death will come from choking to death on my tongue or snorting coffee through my nose. 

I kid you not, these are true events!


OHMIGOD. That is hilarious. You should write a book. And if you do, add my FAVORITE alltime stupid comment--I was watching TV with my roommate, and something came on that had a gay black man on. My roommate, in all seriousness, turns to me, eyes wide, and says, "There are gay black people? I thought all gay people were white."

@FG - Ha Ha Ha. That's awesome! I have plenty more from her - almost enough to become a weekly feature.
Brian Miller said…
oh, i am dying here...du-bah-u...might want to eat a little more ketchup...
I usually don't laugh at the expense of dingy people-- being one (it's somewhat hypocritical), but this Is tooooo much! Tell her the correct spelling is Dub-ya. As in George Dub-ya. I live in Texas- where it's on 30% of the bumpers via obnoxious bumper stickers. Funny!
R. Jacob said…
Very funny, sad but true. I am betting you are a Scorpio.
JennAventures said…
I laughed out loud in my cube, and Silent Sally gave me a look just now that says, "volume!"
M.J. said…
Wow. How do you make it through the work week without pulling your hair out?
@Brian - She tends to mumble, so I wasn't sure what she was trying to say, but it was dub-ah-u.

@Country Gone City - I don't usually laugh out loud at the expense of others, but believe me, she is beyond dingy.

@R. Jacob - Very sad...even scarier that she looks after our payroll. I'm actually an Aries.

@JennAventures - Ha Ha - Silent Sally is obviously wound to tight - she needs to lighten up.
@MJ - Thank goodness I have a sense of humor, or else I'd be relying on self-medication.
Miss Angie said…
OMG! LOL, soooo funny!

Also I've left you an award over at my blog!
Sarah said…
I have to agree with Gidget. You need to write a book about this. It is so funny and exactly the type of thing I would buy when I need a pick me up. That is sooo funny! How are people really that dumb? It amazes me! :)
Mama Zen said…
Ketchup comes from a bottle . . . oh, holy hell!
CrazyCris said…
Oh yes please, a weekly feature! Laughs guaranteed! :p
OMG! You made me laugh so hard! Seriously!? You made what was about to be a horrible day much better :D WOW! You could write a book about this person and it would see you nicely through your golden years.

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