Showing posts from October, 2009

Happy Halloween...

Have fun, be safe...

Attention Wal-Mart Shoppers...

We are now offering a blue light special on "vessels to the afterlife" in Aisle 7, but don't delay or you may be disappointed. With deals this good, your time might just run out...

Seriously folks, Wal-Mart in wanting to cash in on the business of death has now started selling caskets online at prices that undercut funeral homes.

Now I'm all for saving a few dollars, but I could not for the life of me (no pun intended), purchase a casket online from a discount retailer. It just seems wrong.

Just a special note to my husband: if you even think of purchasing one of these special models, I WILL come back to haunt you and I'll be bringing my mother with me.

Creepy, But True...

Since August 2007, 7 feet have washed ashore along the beaches of British Columbia. Yep – feet.

The creepiest part - all the found feet have been discovered tied up in running shoes. Experts have explained that the feet are found because as the body decomposes, the buoyant running shoe floats to the surface.

Apparently, two feet found separately belong to the same woman, but she hasn't been identified.

Another two male feet found separately have been matched to one man, and another lone male foot remains unidentified.

RCMP Corp. AnnieLinteau said there's been no evidence so far to support foul play in connection to any of the seven discoveries.

She says "There were no tool markings and it just did not appear that they were severed or forcibly removed," Linteau said in an interview.Police and the coroner's office say it appears that all the remains separated from the body through a natural process.

WTH?What natural process can separate a foot from the body?

Linteau g…

Performance Reviews...

It’s that wonderful time of year again – performance review time. I know many HR professionals would disagree with me, but in my opinion, these are a waste of time…my time.

Yes, I do realize that my time is not as precious as I might think, but let me just say this - I could find better ways to spend my time. For example, I could perform a community service. Some viable options may include scrapping gum wads from the underside of tables in the food court at the local mall or perhaps cleaning toilets in the subway.

My wonderful HR department has come up with a fantastic self-reviewquestionnaire this year. “Self-review” is the politically correct way to say that: ”Your boss is a lazy ass and won’t fill out your evaluation form, so if you want a raise, you better fill it out yourself.”

Here are some of the questions:

Question 1: In your view, how do your responsibilities support the organization’s strategy?
My Response: What’s the organization’s strategy? Where do I find that?


Bucket List Preparations

I’ve been spending some time putting together my bucket list. I’m a great one for saying, “I want to do this and I want to do that”; but have never put my ramblings down on paper.

While doing my bucket list research, I read that you have a better chance of success in crossing items off your list if you commit your thoughts to paper and make it public. I guess it’s the fear of public scrutiny that provides you with the motivation to move forward.

Having said that, my list isn’t done, but I will post it when it is.

So, you ask “What’s the point of this post?”

The point is - I found this while I was filling my “bucket” full of life goals.I’ve read it before, but never looses its impact.

If I Had My Life to Live Over by Erma Bombeck
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listen…

Got Baggage?

I started to pack for our holidays on the weekend, which if you are keeping track, is only 19 more sleeps. I know it may seem too soon, but believe me when you are a scuba diver; you have a lot of crap to round up and sort out, so timing is important to success of the mission.

Don’t ask me how it happened, but for some reason this year and many, many previous years, I have been in charge of packing not only for myself, but J too. For the most part, the arrangement works out well – he hauls everything up from the basement and piles it into the spare room. I just have to sort it all out and make sure we have all the essentials.

The challenging part is getting everything into as few suitcases as possible, while keeping it under the weight restrictions imposed by the airlines. Not an easy task, but it can be done. The key is to take only the essentials and nothing more…

Here are the some of the essentials…

The Suitcase. I prefer the Heys 4WD model – it’s lightweight to begin with, durab…

I've Got Nothin...

What? College Bound?

Last night, my son casually announced that his college applications need to be finalized by middle of December.
Son:Oh yeah, I need to decide my future by middle of December.
Son:Yeah, middle of December.All my college applications need to be finalized.
Me:WTH are you talking about?College what?
Son:Mom, you know COLL-EGE.A place where I’ll go to CON-TIN-UE my education.
Me:I know what college is, but this can’t be possible.What grade are you in?
It seems like it was only yesterday that he was starting kindergarten.I remember every single report card vividly and nowhere did they include the warning “YOUR CHILD IS STARTING COLLEGE IN 5, 4, 3, 2 or 1 YEAR(S)”.
I am not prepared for this – emotionally or financially (more emotionally).Selfishly, J and I have been living our lives to the fullest – traveling the world, wining and dining ourselves silly and then all of a sudden – BAM!This *shit* happens.
What the hell happened to the last 17 years of my life?When did my son grow up? You wou…

The Date You've Been Waiting For...

Mark this on your calendar...

October 23rd is the official Slap Your Irritating Co- workers Holiday:

Do you have a co- worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your last nerve with tedious and boring details that you don't care about?

Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work for you?

Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much booty; you can look in their mouth and see what your boss had for lunch?

Do you have a co-worker who is SOOO obnoxious, when he/she enters a room, everyone else clears it?

Well, I am so very very glad to officially announce SLAP YOUR IRRITATING CO-WORKER DAY!

Here are the rules you must follow:

You can only slap one person per hour - no more. You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the same day. You are allowed to hold someone down as other co- workers take their turns slapping the irritant.No weapons are allowed...other than going upside somebody's head with a stapler or a hole-pu…

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Why are people more irritating first thing in the morning than they are after lunch?
My route to work has a lot of ongoing road constructions/pavement resurfacing happening at the moment and in order to ensure the safety of the construction crews, the have set up a series of traffic cones dividing the workers from the oncoming traffic. It's not like the cones are really going to stop a speeding vehicle, but whatever.One day, I’m going to snap, step on the gas and run my car into those things, knocking them all over.The cones – not the workers.
Why did Continental Airlines send me an e-mail advising me of a change in my upcoming departure time? It was meant to be 5:35 p.m. and now it’s 5:36 p.m.One minute.Seriously?
I’ve been asked to manage a new project at work.What they haven’t considered is the fact that I’m not a financial expert or marketing guru, both of which the project requires.Without drawing attention to myself, how do I say, “Have you actually looked at my resume?In case…

Destiny...I Believe...

I believe that I am the master of my own destiny and have the ability to select the path I want to take in life. I realize the path I have chosen has had its fair share of speed bumps, potholes and poison ivy patches along the way, but ultimately I’m still in control of the road map and as long as I don’t let anyone “car jack” me, I’ll get there - eventually.

I don’t believe that I should simply accept what is provided to me as “the best life has to offer”.I believe I should strive to achieve more, regardless of the adversity I may face.

Just like life, I don’t believe I should simply accept the daily horoscope that is provided to me.If I don’t like what I read, I’ll move on to another source until I find a horoscope that I can live with.

Here is a sampling of my horoscope for today from various sources…
Horoscope #1 If you stay focused today, you will accomplish great things. Luck is on your side.
My Response:Well, staying focused is not going to happen, so I guess my chances of accompl…

What Does a Trillion Dollars Look Like?

Thanks to Little Lady Big Apple, I have been educated in economics and the value of a dollar. Well, maybe not the value of a dollar, but what stacks of money would would look like if you were one of the lucky ones and happened to stumble upon some along side of the road.

In case you have ever wondered what a trillion dollars looks like - take a look here. Good thing, I have no need for a trillion dollars since I wouldn't have any place to keep it.

Just a Photo (and a mini rant)

I'm being lazy today and apologize. I have so much I want to write about, but don't seem to have the time or the focus to put it on paper.

Oh I almost forgot, we had SNOW this morning. Yes - SNOW! The white stuff that makes me cranky. At first, I thought it was my imagination, since it's dark when I leave for work and I park in the garage, but when I pulled into the gas station (another thing that makes me cranky) - the white stuff was everywhere. I almost turned around and went home. It's too early for snow - even if I do live at the friggin North Pole.

J and I are headed to a digital imaging show tomorrow in Toronto. The seminars should be interesting for J since he's the one into the "photo" thing. I, on the other hand will be bored to tears and in anticipation of this, have already loaded my iPod (with video) with all of Season 4 of Friends. I also have a couple of games on it - Pac Man and Mahjong which are two of my favorites, so all in …

Chicken or Fish?

I’m a byproduct of a broken home – two actually.Having said that, I would not say that it has scarred me emotionally; but would say that it has cemented my sense of humor and my belief in the saying, “what doesn’t kill you, will certainly make you stronger.”My dad is a living example of this.

My parents separated shortly after my eighth birthday. My dad has never spoken of the divorce , but my mother’s reasoning was my dad’s “fishing habits”.I suspect it had more to do with her meeting future husband #2.

Regardless of the true reasons, these “fishing habits” usually lasted a few days away from home and most certainly involved alcohol.He would return home looking like something the cat dragged in and smelling even worse.Oblivious to my mother’s mood, he would insist on showing off his prize catch and sharing his tall tales of fishing greatness.

“Let sleeping dogs lie” is not a phrase listed in my dad’s vocabulary.To put it mildly, my mother was a pit bull and my dad was a Chihuahua that …

Open Letters...

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are my own. The statements may or may not be true and may have been altered to protect my butt in the event the HR Department finds my blog.

To Everyone That Wears Crocs,

I don’t care how comfortable they are, unless you are a 3 year old – you look stupid.


A Concerned Citizen

Dear HR Manager,

Just a friendly reminder - I’m not your assistant and not in your department, so kindly stop asking me to photocopy, print or scan for you. I would suggest that you ask your assistant to assist you.

Yours truly,

Dear HR Manager,

I forgot to mention this in my earlier note. It’s not my fault that you hired an assistant that is stupid. May I recommend that you deal with it?

Kindness Regards,

Dear HR Manager,

Signing all your e-mails “thanks a bunch” does not make me anymore inclined to assist you. Should you wish to revisit this situation, may I suggest that you start using “you are a…

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Since I have a lot of them, I've decided to become organized and jump on the Random Thoughts bandwagon. I picked up the idea from Wizard of Otin, who I think picked it up from The Un Mom, but it doesn't really matter... or need to be too complicated (or make your head hurt)'s a great idea.

I dislike Tuesdays that feel like Mondays – thanks to the Canadian Thanksgiving.Now, I’m just a day behind in being miserable.Family get-togethers further cement my beliefs that some of my extended family members are a bunch of rednecks.You know you’re a redneck if…at the Thanksgiving table, you brag about using the edible shrimp from a shrimp ring as fish bait because they work better than worms.No shit.What fish wouldn’t want to dine on a $9.00 shrimp ring instead of a $2.00 can of worms?I’m happy to report that I did not gain the predicted 5 lbs this weekend, but managed to keep it to 3 lbs.The other 2 lbs will arrive shortly though, as I still have half of a turkey sitting in …

Missing: Bob

Bob was like a member of the family – a quiet, shy, respectful family member.

Bob would quietly see me off to work in the morning and then wait patiently for my return at the end of the day. He always listened to my problems and didn’t once interrupt me to complain about his day. He was my friend and confidant.

Bob loved to dress up and it was Bob’s enthusiasm for costumes that made the holidays enjoyable and memorable. For St. Patrick’s Day, Bob loved to wear a leprechaun hat. For Easter, his choice would be the bunny ears. On Halloween, we would break out the “Scream” mask. Christmas meant the most to Bob, so he insisted on wearing nothing but a big red bow and a Santa Hat. Bob loved to pose for photos and could bask in the limelight and admiration for hours on end.

Bob was with us for 5 years and then one April morning, I discovered Bob was missing. My immediate thoughts were that Bob simply wandered off in the night, met a girl and simply misplaced himself. I figured he would tur…