The Boy, An Update and Modern Warfare....

Instead of my son’s usual trip to Grandma and Grandpa’s when we leave for holidays, he opted to fend for himself and decided to stay at home alone. This was his first “home alone” experience and I’ll be honest, I was a little suspect of how things would turn out.

At the best of times, the boy isn’t the most attentive and is certainly not the most organized person I know. When I speak, he typically listens, but does not necessarily grasp the finer details of the conversation.

For example, I might say “We are leaving now, so please make sure you turn off the lights and lock the door when you leave.” What he hears is “We are leaving now, so turn off the lights.” He completely tunes out the most important part of the conversation – the instructions to “lock the door”.

Anyhow with his attention to detail, I was a little bit concerned that I would return home to an empty house or even nomadic gypsies residing in my backyard. Alas, this was not the case.

He actually managed to keep himself fed and watered and by the looks of my pantry and freezer, his friends too.

His laundry was done, the house was clean, the floors were vacuumed, and the dishes were done. Congratulations on a job well done!

There are however a couple of things that have yet to be explained – like why was a portion of the eves-trough hanging askew from the back of the house, where did all the air soft pellets scattered across my deck come from and why was their duct tape on my banana plant. I suspect all of the above were caused by some form of apocalyptic Call of Duty Modern Warfare role-playing - likely involving the roof of my house; however something’s are better left unknown and ignorance is bliss.

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Open Letters...

First, I wish to say “Happy Thanksgiving” to all my American friends. I know I had my Turkey Day in October, but let’s be honest – that was a century ago.

I’m a little behind on my letter writing, so here goes...

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are my own.

Dear Lunch Room Guy,

Wearing your sunglasses in the office makes you look like a dork, but I’m sure you already knew that. Oh and just to clarify, wearing those damn Crocs and the fanny pack doesn’t help your appearance either.

Best Wishes,

SC

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Dear Lazy-Ass Engineer,

Stop complaining that the photocopier is out of paper and do something about it already. It’s not my problem, but you are.

P.S. In case you didn't already know, I wish to point out that you are a whiney-ass troll.

Yours truly,

S

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Dear Mall Santa,

I would like to know how you got that job. You are creepy and so are your elves. Can you please advise where you found them, as I might be interested in renting them out on Halloween next year?

Kindest Regards,

S

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Dear Facebook,

WTH is with all the crap you insist on making available to my shallow minded friends. Farmville and Mafia Wars? What’s next? May I suggest midget bowling?

Sincerely,

S

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To My Loving Husband,

You can stop talking about your lovely iPhone anytime now. I get it – you LOVE it and my phone sucks.

Hugs and Kisses,

Your Loving Wife

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To My Sweetest Son,

Can you please dump your girlfriend? She is obviously sucking the life out of you and your drama is sucking the life out of me.

Love,

Mom

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Dear VP of Manufacturing,

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but you stink! There is no reason for that smell. The remedy is called deodorant. May I suggest you use it?

P.S. Using it daily works best.

Your Pal,

SC

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Reflections of...

With a vacation, comes reflection - reflection of where I’m at in my life, how I got there and where I want to be in 6 months, 3 years or 10 years from now. This vacation was no different. I spent time once again reflecting on both the good, the bad and the ugly of the past years and what the future may hold.

Although I don’t know where I’m going and I certainly don’t have a 10 year plan, I DO know that I’m not where I want to be at this moment in my life – at least not in my career. I took a wrong turn somewhere and I’ve done a bit of backtracking to find where I went wrong, but to no avail. Perhaps it’s time to stop and ask for exact directions to the Golden Path to Career Happiness…

I’m confident it exists…somewhere – most likely somewhere in the Caribbean and believe me - I will get there eventually...

In the meantime, I leave you with my inspiration for this post:

Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes by Jimmy Buffett

I took off for a weekend last month
Just to try and recall the whole year
All of the faces and all of the places
Wonderin where they all disappeared
I didn't ponder the question too long
I was hungry and went out for a bite
Ran into a chum with a bottle of rum
And we wound up drinkin all night

Chorus:
Its these changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Nothing remains quite the same
With all of our running and all of our cunning
If we couldn’t laugh we would all go insane

Reading departure signs in some big airport
Reminds me of the places I’ve been
Visions of good times that brought so much pleasure
Makes me want to go back again
If it suddenly ended tomorrow
I could somehow adjust to the fall
Good times and riches and son of a bitches
I’ve seen more than I can recall

Chorus:
These changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Nothing remains quite the same
Through all of the islands and all of the highlands
If we couldn’t laugh we would all go insane

I think about Paris when I’m high on red wine
I wish I could jump on a plane
So many nights I just dream of the ocean
God I wish I was sailin again
Oh, yesterdays over my shoulder
So I can't look back for too long
There's just too much to see waiting in front of me
And I know that I just can't go wrong

Chorus:
With these changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Nothing remains quite the same
With all of my running and all of my cunning
If I couldn’t laugh I just would go insane
If we couldn’t laugh we just would go insane
If we weren’t all crazy we would go insane

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Random Tuesday Thoughts

Vacations are a double edged sword – they are great when you are on them, but when you come back, you are made to “pay” for taking time off.

I have 107 unread e-mails in my inbox and at least 75 of them are marked with that red exclamation mark indicating they are “urgent”. Does anyone actually think putting the exclamation mark on them is going to make me read them any quicker?

It’s great to come back to work only to be greeted by an e-mail from the CEO saying “thanks for all your hard work this year, but no one is getting a raise”. I am not surprised by this and am just thankful to have a job at all, but getting that e-mail still sucks.

While I was away, my local radio station had changed its usual format to “all Christmas music, all the time”. WTH? Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy Christmas music but NOT in November and NOT every damn song. There was something about hearing Alvin and The Chipmunks that almost sent me postal this morning.

I’m leaving my “out of office” notification on for the rest of the day and I don’t plan on answering the phone either. This will provide me with the opportunity to catch up on everyone’s blogs that I’ve missed. Those 107 e-mails can wait another day - it's not like they are really urgent anyhow..

As always, please be sure to visit The Un Mom for plenty more Tuesday Randomness.

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