Heard It Through A Cube Wall...Version 3.0

The saga of my neighbors in the HR Department continues.  As hard as they are to believe, these are true stories – based on true accounts. 

I try not to engage these individuals in conversation because, honestly - I just don’t have the energy.  BUT since I happen to sit in close vicinity to them, I can’t hide from their stupid questions or avoid getting sucked into their conversations.

HR Assistant:   (yelling over the wall at me) - How do you spell “dub-a-u”?

Me:  Huh?

HR Assistant:  I said, how do you spell “dub-ah-u”?

Me:  Do you have something in your mouth?  What language are you speaking?

HR Assistant:  I’m not speaking anything.  I’m trying to type the word “dub-a-hu” and spell check is telling me it is spelled wrong.

Me:  Are you trying the type the word “W”, as in the letter “W”, as in I’m taking a WALK?

HR Assistant:  Yes

Me:  (sarcastic tone) (shocking I know!) I don’t know, check www.dictionary.com and while you’re at it, can you check on how you spell the letter “B” for me.

HR Assistant:  That one’s easy.  It’s B-E-E.

I had to leave my desk because I was convulsing with laughter. 

HR Assistant:  I’m allergic to tomatoes.

Me:      Really?  That would be horrible.  I would die if I couldn’t eat spaghetti sauce, toasted tomato sandwiches or even ketchup.

HR Assistant:   Oh, I can eat ketchup.

Me:  Really?  But I thought you said you were allergic to tomatoes.

HR Assistant:  Oh I am, but tomatoes come from a field and ketchup comes from a bottle, so ketchup’s okay.

Me:  (silence)  There are no words...

At that point in the conversation, I had to walk away…for safety reasons…my own safety reasons, as I suspect my death will come from choking to death on my tongue or snorting coffee through my nose. 

I kid you not, these are true events!