How to Efficiently Waste Time @ Work...

I have found from experience that there are two types of work boredom – there is the simple being bored with the work your doing (i.e. data entry and photocopying) and then there is the “poke yourself in the eye”, mind rotting boredom. I experience the latter on a daily basis.

Unfortunately in this type of economy, the last thing I need to do is run into my boss’ office and exclaim:

“I’m turning into a freakin vegetable out there. What the hell were you thinking when you hired me? I need work and there appears to be none. Hello, do you not see how much time I waste during the day.”

Nope, I know when to keep my mouth shut and that would just be career suicide and while it might be fun at that moment, unemployment would soon follow and I can’t imagine that would be full of awesome moments.

So, in order to continue collecting a paycheck, I’ve adapted to my surroundings. In case you are ever in my situation, here are some tips as to how you can efficiently waste a complete work day. I should point out that none of these will actually halt your slippery slide into a vegetative state, but they may prolong the inevitable.

Add Clutter to Your Desk – You may be less likely to be questioned if your desk is covered in clutter, but be sure you don’t overdo it because then you just look pathetic. I have found that placing large binders around your desk, opened to various tabs work best. In addition, keep a pile of post-it notes and a highlighter close by, as these will enhance the illusion that you are researching something.

Open Files on your Computer – In addition to your e-mail program, you should ensure that you open no less than three separate documents. I would recommend a couple of excel spreadsheets – ones with a lot of data or charts. Excel can be an intimidating program to many people, so you will be less likely to be bothered when someone sees the various cells filled with data and formulas.

Read E-Books – This may have been my finest discovery yet and the one I’m most proud of. E-books have completely saved me from self destruction. They come in many formats and are offered by many authors (for a fee of course). As I earn a living from reviewing contracts (or pretending to), I prefer the PDF format of E-book, as a PDF file opened on my desktop is not something unusual and will never be questioned, as long as it’s not left opened while you head out for lunch.

Write a Blog This has been another time wasting lifesaver. As with my other time wasting tips, no one will question you as long as you are busily typing away on your keyboard. Once my post is completed in Word, I simply cut and paste it into Blogger and presto. By working in Word first, you are limiting your internet time, which is most likely being monitored by those damn “internet Nazis”.

Legal Disclaimer - You should note that the opinions expressed here are my own and I will not be liable for any terminations or disciplinary actions that may result if you inappropriately use or abuse my time wasting tips. You’re on your own. Bullshit baffles brains - use it wisely...


CrazyCris said…
I'm laughing out of my chair right now! :p

Yeah, you want to be careful with what's easily visible on your computer screen (and you probably don't want to save that Word file on your computer), but you can get away with a lot if you're wiley enough! ;o)
Brian Miller said…
lol. the ebooks tip is priceless...using big words as you describe the laborious work you are doing when talking to co workers helps word spread as many like to talk these days...hope your day was "productive"
JW.BW said…
These are definitley some handy tips!! E books sound great, I'm going to have to look into that. And great tip on blogging in word, Im going to put that one to use next time I'm at work!!

Thanks, and your hilarious!

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