Heard it through the cube wall…

It constantly amazes me how corporations hire and retain morons, while letting good employees slip through their fingers. When I first started with this company, I thought “Wow, this place is fantastic and everyone really has their shit together. Finally, I’ve made the right move.” Soon however, just like a new penny, the shininess wears off, reality sets in and I’m left feeling tainted. *sigh*

I know I shouldn’t focus on the negative and should spend more time focusing on the positive, but with all of the morons surrounding me, it’s hard. Let me explain…

Our new payroll person started yesterday. Thank god, we might actually get paid next week. Oh wait, maybe not…here is a sampling of things that I’ve heard through my cube wall over the past two days. Some of the times, her words may have been spoken to me (over the cube wall), other times; I’m not sure who she was talking too.

“I can’t figure out how to lower my chair.”

Response from me: Nothing but silence. I think she’s talking to herself.

“I can’t figure out how to raise my keyboard.”

Response from me: Nothing but silence. I still think she’s talking to herself.

“Why is my monitor screen dark?”

Response from me: Silence

“Did you hear me?” I said, “Why is my monitor screen dark?”

Response from me: Did you check that your monitor is turned on?

Response from her: Yes, of course.

Response from me: Then I don’t know, call IT.

Response from IT (after a physical visit): Your monitor isn’t turned on.

“Why is my screen still dark?

Response from me: Intentional silence.

“Hello, girl over the wall. Did you hear me?”

Response from me: What? Are you talking to me?

Response from her: Never mind, I’ll call IT.

Response from IT (after a physical visit): Because you deal with sensitive information, your monitor has a privacy screen. It’s automatically a little darker.

“Do you know why I can’t enter any data on my keyboard?”

Response from me: Assuming you're talking to me, nope.

Response from her: Never mind, I’ll call IT.

Response from IT (after physical visit): Your number lock key is on.

Response from her: Hmmph. I’m not very good with these computers, so this is hard.

“I can’t find my glasses. I wonder where they are.”

Response from me: If your talking to me, I suggest you check on top of your head, as this is where I saw them last.

Response from her: Nothing but silence.

If this girl had been asking for directions to the coffee machine, photocopier or supply room, I would have been more helpful; however there are certain things in life that are self explanatory and if you haven’t figured them out by now, I certainly can’t help you.


LMAO! You should start writing short stories about her! The adventures of the computer illiterate payroll girl! I can see it now...

In this weeks installment of Payroll Girl, she grapples with that sneaky stapler. She had been aware of its crafty ways from day one but never thought that it could be so evil and conniving. Now she must risk her life to save everyone's paycheck from disaster!

Good Luck with that one!
@SA - LMAO!!! That's a great idea! Perhaps a weekly blog feature? I'm trying to be patient, but seriously, she isn't making a great first impression. LOL!
K13 said…
No way!! She actually said "Hello, Girl over the wall. Did you hear me?"

You've GOT to be kidding!!!

I wouldn't have helped her with any of that stuff either!
@K13 - OMG - yes! She has only been here two days and is driving me (and the IT folks) crazy! Help me...
Brian Miller said…
oh the short story idea is amazing...the automatic pencil sharpener should be a fun one..."are you putting the pencil... in the hole?" or better yet..."You seem to have put the decimal in the worng place on my paycheck..." lol.
f8hasit said…
I have a real problem with morons. And it sounds as if 'she' is one of them...

I think I'd rather work with a zombie, vampire or serial killer than a moron.

You know, working with morons might turn ME into a serial killer!

Have fun! 'Girl over the wall'...priceless.
@Brian - Let's hope the decimal place thing works out in my favor.

@f8hasit - Zombies would certainly be a step up in the mentality department, even with their brain eating habits.
JW.BW said…
ummm... I'm a little worried about your payroll now. Thats just too over the top!!! How funny!!! I know some people have no social skills and little common sense (as I have been accused of both on occasion) but GEEEEeezzz, how has she lived THIS long????
HEeee Heee, I dont envy you!!
JW.BW said…
PS.. theres an award for you on my blog. please come by and grab it when you get a chance!!
Chrissy said…
She did NOT call you "girl over the wall"!!!

You should have responded, "yes, idiot who doesn't care to find out my name."
Blog Admin said…
;-) It looks funny from the outside but perhaps you are gettin` more and more annoyed! Cheers!
M.J. said…
"It constantly amazes me how corporations hire and retain morons, while letting good employees slip through their fingers."

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I work for the federal government. Enough said.
jb said…
Ok!!! I want my strawberry wet dream back. How did she end up in the box next to you. She's fucking dumb as a stick. Wait!!! a stick is smarter then this girl. I guess no one is getting paid this week. God I hate morons. LMAO you got your self a keeper. Please write a weekly post about her and we can compare who's more stupid.

Stalker v1.5 said…
Wait, do you work with me as that is exactly the caliber of people sitting around me at this very moment.
Anonymous said…
I love it! Very creative!That's actually really cool.


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