Heard it through the cube wall...

The ongoing saga of my neighbors in the HR Department continues. As hard as these tales may be to comprehend, believe me, these are true stories – based on true accounts of the raging stupidity surrounding me. The sad thing is, there’s not just one individual – there are three of them and a new one is starting today.

Conversation No. 1

HR Manager: The monitor in my office doesn’t have anything on the screen.

IT Guy: That’s because it’s not turned on.

HR Manager: Oh, really? How did that happen?

IT Guy: It’s called an OFF button and you push it.

At that point in the conversation, I had to leave my desk because I was convulsing with laughter.

Conversation No. 2

HR Assistant: Something’s really strange in the bathroom. Every time I walk in there, the air freshener goes off and the lights automatically come on.

Me: Really? That is really strange. You’d better call Ghost Busters or at least the facilities manager.

HR Assistant: In a dead serious voice – you don’t think the bathroom is haunted do you?

Me: Silence

I’m trying not to choke on my tongue. The HR Assistant has been here a few months now and still hasn’t figured out that the bathroom lights and air freshener are motion sensitive, so every time she walks in…well, you know what happens.

Conversation No. 3

HR Assistant: There is something wrong with my phone.

Me: Silence. I’m trying to ignore her.

HR Assistant: Did you hear me? I said something is wrong with my phone.

Me: What is wrong now?

HR Assistant: Well, the light is blinking and every time I pick it up, no one is there.

Me: Does the phone make a sound when the light is blinking?

HR Assistant: No, just the light blinks and then when I pick it up, no one is there.

Me: The phone isn’t actually ringing. The blinking light indicates that you have a voicemail.

HR Assistant: Oh. Well, how does the phone know it’s a voicemail and not a real person trying to call me?

Me: *shit* I don’t know, call IT.

I kid you not - this place is becoming hazardous to my health. On a daily basis, I wonder how I manage to make it through without choking to death or snorting coffee through my nose. It’s hard I tell you – HARD!


M.J. said…
Thank you for this series. Sounds like your HR department should have a uniform that involves a helmet.
LOL! I had wondered what had happened to your neighbor :) Apparently there are ghosts following her around! you should unplug her monitor one day and see how she reacts! Too funny!
@MJ - They are a "special" breed.

@SA - Oh, my neighbor is still there and is obviously tormented by some sort of demons. Soon, it will be me though... LOL!
Anonymous said…
Omg...I knew some people were stupid but this? XD I'd love to work there. People like that are amusing to be around. Makes for a good laugh.
JW.BW said…
Oh WOW!! Your job must b hazardous to your health!! I dont know how you manage not dying of laughter!! I love how the HR Asst. assumed haunting was more probably then the ever popular bathroom motion detector. Unreal!!!
Sylvia said…
You certainly have an interesting job! LOL In mine, I can see one unit, one pound; two units, two pounds and a half (promotion). Experts in Maths...
Brian Miller said…
oh wow. at this rate, i hope your tax stub comes back correct...if only hey would screw up on the check you could get off to that vacation a bit sooner. lol.
CrazyCris said…
not just your health but ours (and my computer) as well!
I'm going to have to make a mental note to avoid consuming liquids when I read your posts... it's too dangerous for my computer screen! :p
f8hasit said…
I have little to no tolerance of ignorant people.
I give you kudos for actually answering this person. I would have gone over and thrown the phone at her.

I wonder whether I'd get a promotion for doing so in your situation.
Anonymous said…
Oh dear, this is hilarious! :o) (Sorry, I'm a totally insensitive visitor from f8hasit.) I would have been very tempted to play along...

Possible scenario: "Of course the bathroom is haunted, you have to use a magic formula to chase the ghosts away. Next time you need to go number 1, just say in a loud, confident voice 'hoola-boola-bumbledum!' and they'll leave you alone. No need to do that for number 2 - the smell wards them off."

Okay... that may have been fun only in my imagination... :o)
Joshua said…
Thanks to Nancy (f8hasit) for pointing me over. This is great. Reminds me of the morons I have the pleasure of sharing work space with here. Ugh.

It sounds like it could be hazardous to their health soon, too. I'm just saying.

JennAventures said…
This is classic. Ah the things you overhear in the Cube Farm. My favorite is when something falls and everyone's pops up over the cubicles like a Prarie Dog farm.

Love your blog!

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