I Need Answers...

I know it’s not “Random Thoughts Tuesday”, but I have some questions that require your immediate attention.

  • What the hell is the point of celery? Am I missing something? I just don't get it.
  • When is it acceptable to tell a co-worker to go *bleep* themselves and then kick them in the shins?
  • Why do people insist on dressing up their pets? I don’t mean a simple coat or jacket to keep them warm during the winter months. I mean, what could possibly possess a normal person to do this to their pets?
  • Why are weekends only two days long? On that note, why do I spend more money in those two days than I do in the five remaining days of the week?
  • Do you think that wanting to sell all of my belongings and move to the Caribbean could be considered a mid-life crisis?
  • In order to spare me (and you) from daily boredom blog posts, why won’t my boss let me only work four days a week? Obviously, I would have to take a pay cut, but at this point in time, it's a risk I'm willing to take. I just don't understand how trying to save the company money (and my sanity) could be considered "trend setting".
  • To add some excitement to my workplace, I would welcome an alien abduction right about now. Is there something wrong with me (other than the usual things of course)?
I appreciate any guidance you, my bloggy friends can provide.


Rachel said…
I kind of feel your pain. Boo corporate work!
Marie said…
What is the purpose of celery? Obviously you've never had a Caesar... or a Bloody Mary. It's purpose is to use as a stir stick and munch on after it's taken in some vodka. Why do people dress up their dogs? After they've over stocked their closet, added lawn gnomes and fishing black boys all over their yards, piled stuffed toys over the back of their rear seat in the car... they need to start adding crap elsewhere. Where else but the family pet? Selling all your stuff and moving to the Caribbean is only a mid-life crisis to your friends and family who convince themselves that THEY could never do such a thing, it's really a dream come true. I'd rather be accused of living irresponsibly or being in denial of a mid-life than being miserable and making other people miserable by complaining about it all the time!

Have fun, take the day off!
Joshua said…
1) I've never seen celery with a point; usually it's kind of leafy at the end of the stalk.

2) Always, but never aloud.

3) Because people are morons who need to dominate animals?

4) When you find the answer, let me know, okay?

5) Most definitely, yes.

6) Map it out and express to the boss why it's a cost saving measure for the company. Stress the savings to them, not the benefit to you. I did and now have Fridays at home.

7) Leave the video camera running because I want footage of the abduction.

That's what I think.
@ Rachel - Boo is right!! I hate the corporate lifestyle...

@ Marie - OMG, I can't believe I forgot about the Caesar!! Now I have a reason to buy celery, vodka, Mott's Clamato Juice and let's not forget the spicy rimmer stuff. You are so wise! I could move south in a heartbeat and not look back...

@ Joshua - 1) Har Har Har 2) There should be special circumstances - like any day ending in the letter "y" ...
CrazyCris said…
Celery? Got me there! I keep hoping my dad will remember its nefariousness and knock it off the menu, but it keeps creeping in to contaminate the salad!!! grrr
Jacqui said…
I'm with you on the celery and the dressing up dogs. I sold up and moved to Spain (from England) so I can' comment on any mid-life crisis, after all, I'm well and truly living mine - but hey, it's good!
1. It adds great flavor to "cooked" food not salads. It finds it's way into every crevice between your teeth if it's not cooked :(

2. I do this on a daily basis.

3. I can only imagine they are fucktards.

4. To mess with your head.

5. No.

6. Move to EP and work for the city. They have the option of working longer days and shortening their work week to 4 days instead of 5 days. So you could have a 4 day work week :)

7. What are the usual things?

Brian Miller said…
celery is a space holder, thats all.

when they hit on you.

reliving their childhood

production needs...and the malicious greed of corportate big wigs


see above

cant believe you have not had an alien abduction yet...they are amazing.

Hi there - I have a couple answers for you:

1. Celery - it uses more calories to eat than are in it - so it's a weight loss aid!

2. Deciding to give it all up and move to the Caribbean so8nds perfectly reasonable - at least to me - since that what is my concrete plan in exactly 15 months when our boy finishes high school and heads off to University. We can be kids again! Mid-life crisis? I say mid-life adventure!!! :)
otin said…
An even better question is "How can it be called the weekend if Sunday is the first day of a week?

I hate uncooked celery!
Chrissy said…
Any day is acceptable to tell you co-workers to !@#@ off and I prefer slapping them in the face.
Sarah said…
Ok here are my two cents...since you asked so nicely! :)

1. celery is the perfect place to hold your peanut butter - other than that it is worthless.
2.the perfect time to tell your co-worker how you really feel is on your last day on the job (ya know, so you won't get fired and such) or if you know that you would never get caught or can deny things really well. :)
3.people who dress their dogs up have some form of mental disorder. i kid, i kid, but seriously, not sure why they do it.
4. i have been saying this for years - weekends should be 5 days and work weeks should be 2 - it's all bass ackwards!
5. i think you are too young for a mid life crisis and i consider selling all of my stuff all the time so i won't have to work anymore. so there is nothing wrong with your thinking!
6. a great idea - keep pushing for it if you want to. all they can say is no but if they say yes, you will be happier!
7. nothing wrong with you (or maybe there is stuff wrong with all of us - however you wanna look at it).

thanks once again for the entertaining post! best read of my day!

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