My Life as the Grim Reaper...

Sadly, I have become aware of a rise in incidents of suicide. Perhaps it is because of the economy, massive job losses, rising cost of gasoline, high divorce rate or the unbearable grief from the death of MJ. What drives someone to become so distraught, they believe the only way out is death? Do they not stop to think of the ones left behind?

Regardless of their reason, my car has become a vessel of death to for rodents and birds alike and I have become the Grim Reaper. At least once a week I am left feeling like a murderess bitch because some little critter decided enough was enough.

Believe me - I do try to spare them their lives. I swerve, I slam on my brakes – all while closing my eyes and bracing for the inevitable “th-thump” under my tires which happens when Chip or Dale are just too slow in their dash to greener pastures or when a feathered friend decides to kamikaze into my grill.

Today was no exception; I was driving along on my morning commute simply minding my own business and out of nowhere, flies this suicidal black bird and with one fell swoop he has ended it all - a simply “whack”, his life was over. *sigh*

As this is a frequent occurrence, I typically take a quick glance at the grill of my car when I arrive at work to make sure there aren’t any leftovers from the carnage; however today I was running late and did not give it the once over before I headed into the building. It wasn’t until I was returning to my car after making a stop at the bank on my lunch hour, I notice a man is standing in front of my car and says “Hey lady, did you know you have a bird stuck in your grill? Do you want me to take it out for you?”

Hmm, as tempting as having a perfect stranger remove road kill from my grill sounded, I simply smiled, walked around my car, reached down and plucked the blackbird by its tail feathers and nonchalantly dropped it to the ground. “No thanks. I got it. Being the Grim Reaper comes with its own set of burdens”, I replied to the stranger as I got into my car and drove away.


LOL! That is funny! I know I shouldn't laugh but I found that amusing, especially the last bit :D
Brian Miller said…
lol. i am imagining the look on his least you seem to hit the small veriety of animal...easy on the damage.
CrazyCris said…
Started out serious... and then I was cracking up! How do you do it?!

I've never had that problem... just suicidal insects! They're a real hassle! I remember in Mexico my Dad actually had some kind of protector he'd put on the hood of the car for road trips to avoid too many bugs getting in on their kamikaze runs! :p
Anonymous said…
I'm so lucky to have never hit any animal, which is rare since I live in the mountains...I had a close call with a moose on Cape Breton one year and a really large Beaver one time north of Montreal...but not even a mouse. I don't think I could handle it.

Side note if it interests you from someone who has been there and survived...when you are at a point of such continual intense pain and agony, the only thing that you can focus on is ridding yourself of that pain. When everything you do causes extreme despair and nothing else seems to be working, you even start believing it's what they all would want for you too. There is almost a euphoria when you have yourself believing it's for the best of everyone and you are actually going to do it. When I hear survivors say "he/she was so selfish to do such a thing to me"...I just reply with a tsk tsk and hope they will become more informed instead of blaming the person who found no other painkiller than death.
K13 said…
"a simply “whack”, his life was over"

OMG-I'm LMAO. great writing. I couldn't stop laughing.

I was witness to a squirrel suicide a couple weeks ago - the car in front of me was the grim reaper.
Chrissy said…
You're a strong, independent woman. You can pull your own dead blackbirds out. Thank you very much. Hysterical!
Anonymous said…
Hi! I really like this post! And that's why your post is this week's feature on my blog! Check it out! :)

SA - no worries, I laugh at my bad luck all of the time.

Brian - so far, the larger variety animals have stayed away from my vehicle, but my sister-in-law's vehicle attracts deer. I think she is up to 3 now...

Cris - bug guts pose their own problem, especially when turning on your windshield wipers and smearing the remains from one side to the other - ughhh!

Rain - thanks for your input. I certainly appreciate it. You are lucky to be where you are in life now.

K13 - OMG, I could imagine witnessing one, but I certainly know what one "feels" like.

Chrissy - I wasn't about to give the man the satisfaction of sharing his story with his drinking buddies of how he helped some helpless women remove roadkill.

Renee - Thanks!

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