30 June, 2009

If It Smells Like Fish; It Probably Is...Part 2

As I stepped on board the research boat for the first time, all I could think of was “great, the boat stinks like day old fish.” Duh – it’s a fishing boat! What was it supposed to smell like?

It was that day my career as a “Fisheries Division Survey Technician” began. My days were spent hauling nets, picking, counting, sorting and weighing the different fish species – all while trying to keep my rubber boots and not my ass planted to the deck of the boat.

It’s a good thing I do not have a weak stomach because there was one particular fish species that made me want to cry and would have made a lesser woman (or my husband) want to vomit. I don’t recall the name of it, but it was small and invaded the nets in great numbers and the unfortunate part – they would literally “explode” when you tried to remove them from the nets. Just picture trying to grab hold of Jello with your bare hands and just when you think you have hold; you hear a “popping” sound, followed by oozing. Nasty, doesn’t even come close to explaining the horror or it all and just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, I’m further blessed with the ability to perform fish autopsies. Why you ask? Good question. I am certainly not a scientist, so my conclusion as to why I was asked to analyze stomach contents, sex fish species and age fish scales was because I had a sense of humor. Either that or they were trying to get to me to quit.

Apart from the nasty fish and the smell that permeated my hair, skin and clothes, it actually wasn’t a bad deal; however thank god the summer research season was short because I’m sure my family and “real job” co-workers would have run an intervention to make me quit that job, because just like the fishing boat, I was beginning to smell like day old fish and no amount of scrubbing could remove the stench. Not to mention, I was attracting a lot of stray cats to my neighborhood – they were obviously enamoured with my rubber boots…

Recently my BF approached me again to see if I was interested in joining her team for another summer of boat rides and fish counting. As tempted as I was, I couldn’t possibly figure out a way (without limiting my career aspirations) to explain to my boss as to why I preferred fish snot and entrails over contract reviews, so I thought it best to decline. There’s always next year…

29 June, 2009

If It Smells Like Fish; It Probably Is...Part 1

Here is another look into one of my illustrious career choices. This one was driven by lack of work and my overwhelming desire to keep busy. I’m the first to admit I have a problem, I just don’t know how to fix it…

During the early weeks of “one summer of boredom”, I was determined to do something new with my career. Who was I kidding? I didn’t believe anything could possibly jumpstart my current disaster, but I was convinced that there had to be something out there that would pass some time during my regular 9-5 working hours.

While bemoaning my latest lack of work dilemma to my best friend, she asks, “Why don’t you just come to work for me for a couple days a week for the summer months?” “What exactly do you do?” is my response.

For as many years as I’ve known my BF, I’ve never quite figured out how she earns a living. I only know that she is a government employee, has a lot of accumulated holiday time and that her title is something like Regional Lake Coordinator, Department of Natural Resources Fisheries Division, Eastern Lower Lakes Region. With a title as long as that, I’m sure no one has ever been bothered to ask her what she does, fearing her explanation would be just as long as her title, filled with uninteresting, technical and scientific babble.

Well, with the shocked look that came to her face, you would swear that I just committed a highly offensive act, like spitting on her shoes or kicking her dog and then she retorted, “Well first of all I’m offended that you need to ask me that question. We’re best friends for crying out loud! What do you think I do?”

But before I could respond, she states quite matter-of-factly, “I get to go for boat rides and count fish.” “Seriously?” I snorted, as I began to laugh uncontrollably. “Do you really think I could have guessed that you get paid to do that? That’s hilarious. When do you need me to start and what’s the dress code?” Her response simply was, “sweatpants and rubber boots.”

It was decided, I would take a pay cut at my real job in exchange for a three day work week for balance of the summer. The other two days would be spent “on the lake”, getting paid to enjoy the summer weather. I was looking forward to a different pace – Jacques Cousteau here I come. But first, I was going to need a pair of rubber boots and this time, it wouldn’t be for the bullshit I was accustomed to wading through! Little did I know, fish slime wasn’t much better.

28 June, 2009

Transformers 2 - Rise of the Fallen

I just got back from seeing Transformers 2 - "Rise of the Fallen". It can be summed up with one word - "fantastic"!

I'll admit, I was a doubter and didn't think the first one could be beat, so I was pleasantly surprised. If you liked the first, you will also enjoy this one. I would say the storyline is a little darker than the first, but it is offset with more pieces of comic relief and of course - action, lots of action.

26 June, 2009

Friday Randomness...

  • I’ve won a free introductory to flight lesson from a local ultra-light flying club. Call me crazy, but I’m not sure how thrilled I am to going flying in a machine that is essentially powered by lawnmower engine and in order to start, the propeller needs to be “hand cranked“. I’m adventurous, but not suicidal…

  • I went to a Toronto Blue Jays baseball game last night. The Blue Jays had been on a semi-winning streak (if 3 count); however last night, they lost to the Cincinnati Reds. It wasn’t even an entertaining game. On the upside, it was “Ladies Night Out” and as a give we received a nice pink ball cap. I’m excited that it was pink, as I’m now guaranteed than no one in my household will be tempted to wear it but me.

  • It’s only been one day since the passing of Michael Jackson and already, I’m bitter about the media coverage and rumors surrounding his death. As odd as he was in life, he deserves to rest in peace.
  • Farrah Fawcett also passed away yesterday; however her death has been overshadowed by that of Michael Jackson’s. As weird as it sounds, I feel that she was some how short changed a proper media tribute. Was the reason for lack of media attention because she was expected to die or was it because she was “normal”?

25 June, 2009

Say It Ain't So...

The cold reality of it being a mere 6 months until Christmas has slapped me silly this morning. With Summer just officially arriving on Sunday, this news is a bitter pill to swallow. What have I done to deserve this?

It’s not that I have anything against Christmas, it’s just that I have a bone or two to pick with the nasty, uninvited cold weather that hitches a ride with it. Anyone that lives in a warmer climate cannot possibly relate to this feeling of desperation. The saddest part of this revelation being – cold weather actually arrives at least two months prior to Christmas (aka 4 months from now). Gahhh!

What does that mean you ask? It means I have a lot of warmth and sunshine to absorb and pack into these remaining 4 months. Using my vacation days are not a feasible option, as these must be reserved for my winter escapes to warmer climates. Hmmm...perhaps a few more sick days are in order. I hear the West Nile virus might be going around. *cough, cough*

23 June, 2009

Aimless Rambling...

I can think of at least 10 other things I would rather be doing today than working. They include going to the beach, relaxing on my deck, having a nap, reading a book, going to a movie, having a root canal, licking a frog, cleaning my toilets, cleaning the toilets of strangers or cleaning public toilets. Enough said…

I took a “sick” day yesterday and spent the day cleaning my spare room, basement and cutting my lawn. I now feel guilty - not for missing work; but because I wasted a perfectly good sick day and should have spent it doing something fun like going to the beach. Damn it. What’s wrong with me?

While I was at home yesterday, I observed my son and five of his friends running through the sprinkler yesterday afternoon for over two hours. I was shocked and pleasantly surprised to learn that 16 year old boys still enjoy the simpler things in life and could entertain themselves without the use of electronics or computers.

I’m thinking I need a career change, but can’t quite put my finger on what I want to be when I grow up. I don’t yet loath what I do, but I’m getting there as the boredom has become overwhelming. I obviously have obligations – both family and otherwise, so I can’t be totally irresponsible and quit my job to pursue my dream job of becoming Wal-Mart greeter; however I have been practicing just in case I win the lottery, “Hello. Welcome to Wal-Mart. Do you need a cart?”

21 June, 2009

Are You My Father?

As today is father's day, I am reminded that I have been "abandoned" by my father. This event did not occur when I was a child, but more recently - a little over a year to be exact. At the age of 68, he packed his bags, kissed his only child goodbye and set out to travel the world - some would call it retirement, but I prefer to call it abandonment. Am I being dramatic? Yes.

I can't believe it's been over a year since I dropped him off at the airport with his passport in hand and a grin on his face. Although I haven't seen him since that day, we do talk weekly, so I know he's doing o.k. I feel selfish for wishing I could see him today and I know if the roles were reversed, he wouldn't be expecting me home anytime soon.

You would think that at my age, I wouldn't feel such a loss today, but I do. I miss him dearly and I know he misses me, but it makes me happy to know that after many, many years of hardwork, he is finally getting the opportunity to enjoy life and is in fact, living it to the fullest. He is my mentor, my friend, my confidant and most of all, he is my dad. I am his daughter and regardless of the physical distance we are apart, he is close to my heart and that's where it counts.

Happy Father's Day!

19 June, 2009

I'm Charming and I Have the Award to Prove It...

Special thanks to Señorita Andalucíana for this great award. I am truly honored that she thought of me.

This award is bestowed on to blogs that are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. lease give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.

My choices are:

  • Chrissy @ I Shoulda Been a Stripper – Her blog continually makes me laugh out loud, which can be problematic at work. I just wish I had of thought of that blog title first.
  • Renee @ Renee's World - I love that she is not afraid to share her new experiences with us.
  • CrazyCris @ Here There and Everywhere - Every time I visit her blog, I learn something new. In particular, I now know more about Harry Potter than I ever thought possible.
  • It’s Going to Take More than a Hamburger to Make me Happy – I just started following this blog, but I can tell it’s going to be a lot of fun (just like her blog title).
  • Stepford Dreams – Her daily adventures as a former attorney turned housewife will be sure to keep to you entertained.
  • Rodney @ Blankney Journal – His blog is a wealth of information – from Maxine World’s comics to history lessons; you will find it all here.
  • Brian @ WaystationOne – His blogs are so well written, entertaining and thought provoking too.

I realize there are only 7 listed and I’m supposed to have 8; however I need to get back to work because I’m getting the old stink eye from my co-workers.

18 June, 2009

It's All Fun & Games Until...

I was listening to a story this morning on the radio, which really made me wonder how I, my friends or even my own child ever managed to survive childhood.

The basis of the story was how many childhood accidents could be avoided if extra precaution was taken when allowing your children to play on playground equipment. I should point out that the group most at risk are boys between the ages of 11 and 14.

In order to lessen the impact if your child happens to fall, it is recommended that the ground surrounding the playground equipment be covered by either sand or wood chips. I thought to myself “Wood chips? Couldn’t you get a sliver from those things? Sand? How hygienic will that be when the neighborhood cats discover it?”

What injustice are we doing to our children?

I received this in an e-mail sometime ago and I thought it needed to be shared, particularly in light of that radio program. Remember the days when….
  • Our baby cots were covered with brightly colored lead-based paint which was promptly chewed and licked.
  • We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, or latches on doors or cabinets and it was fine to play with pans.
  • When we rode our bikes, we wore no helmets, just flip flops.
  • As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the passenger seat was a treat.
  • We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle - tasted the same.
  • We ate dripping sandwiches, bread and butter, cake and drank fizzy pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.
  • We shared one drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and no one actually died from this.
  • We would spend hours building go-carts out of scraps and then went top speed down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into stinging nettles at times, we learned to solve the problem.
  • We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back before it got dark. No one was able to reach us all day and no one minded.
  • We did not have Playstations or X-Boxes, no video games at all. No 99 channels on TV, no videotape movies, no surround sound, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet chat rooms. We had friends - we went outside and found them.
  • We played with rubber balls, elastics bands and rocks, and sometimes they really hurt.
  • We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits. They were accidents. We learnt not to do the same thing again.
  • We had fights, punched each other hard and got black and blue - we learned to get over it.
  • We walked to friend's homes.
  • We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate live stuff, and although we were told it would happen, we did not have many eyes get poked out, nor did the live stuff live inside us forever.
  • We rode bikes in packs of 7 and wore our coats by only the hood.
  • Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law. Imagine that!
Previous generations have produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever. The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned to deal with it all.

And you're one of them. Congratulations!

Maybe you'll want to pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow up as real kids, before lawyers and the government regulated our lives, for our own good.

17 June, 2009

"Make a Wish Wednesday"

My Wish: There are certain things every scuba diver wishes to experience throughout their dive career. Once upon a time, I had wished to see schools of hammerhead sharks, dolphins and sea lions underwater. I was fortunate enough to have that wish fulfilled on my trip to the Galapagos Islands.

Now I'm striving for a few different creatures, I wish I could see a merman and a unicorn, but since that isn’t a fantasy, I'll have to settle on something else. I wish I could see each of the following (although I still believe them all to be mythical creatures). Better yet, I wish to could find them on my own without someone else pointing them out to me:

Frogfish - I have managed to find one of these on my own, but with instructions like “turn left at the rope and swim for 10 minutes and at 45 feet you will find a rusty barrel with a yellow frogfish on it”, I really couldn’t go wrong considering there was only one rusty barrel in the vicinity and the yellow frogfish might of well have been carrying a neon sign with “hey lady, over here” on it.

Seahorse – I have searched high and low for these things and I just cannot seem to locate one. I am convinced they are an urban legend and are in the same category as mermen - mythical.

Whale Shark – Considering these can grow to be the size of a bus, I’m pretty sure I couldn't manage to actually miss this guy if he happened across my path, but my deepest fear is that I will be working so hard on finding a damn seahorse, that one of these will swim right on by me without so much as making a wave to alert me to its presence.

Striped Marlin – I would love to see one of these swimming freely; however I understand they very elusive and it is highly unlikely that I will just happen upon one while I’m scuba diving in the Caribbean. I’m likely out of luck on this one, unless of course I’m deep sea fishing or in my Uncle Lenny’s basement – neither of which holds much appeal to me.

16 June, 2009

Chapstick or Vaseline. What's in Your Butt Kissing Emergency Kit?

I’ve decided to share some of my career observations and perhaps offer some insight into career choices that you may not have realized actually exist.

Today’s post will feature a brief insight into the theatre arts community. This is a first hand observation of a career choice that I didn’t realize existed – professional Ass Kisser.

My brief experience within the arts community brought about a whole new appreciation for the arts. In particular, I gained insight into the “Art of Ass-Kissing”. The theater arts community has more that just beautiful sets, stunning performances and well-rehearsed talent. These talented individuals are not actors, set designers or the stage hands, but are the two executives of a well-known Canadian Shakespearean Theatre.

Although these two individuals have long ago lost their touch with reality, they remain passionate for their craft. I’m amazed that these individuals have not completely snapped – committing themselves to a home for the mentally unstable. They are willing live their lives in the fast lane, where hard liquor, flamboyancy, comp tickets and Chapstick is never in short supply. These are the tools of the trade for a career ass-kisser to the philanthropist elite. Rest-assured, these gentlemen are not unwilling participants in this cat and mouse game. These two know how to charm even the most seasoned “ass”, into dropping its drawers and coughing up a simple donation to the theatre. The bigger the potential donation, the bigger the pucker you can expect to receive when the wet one is firmly planted on your behind.

Potential donors come in all shapes, sizes and income levels. Some are simply lonely spinsters that have pinched their pennies for years and sincerely believe these two theatre representatives actually care about their personal well being and that of their many feline housemates. It’s sad to think that in the minds of these elderly individuals, there isn’t any worthier cause in the world than that of “continuing theatrical excellence.”

There are other’s that don’t give it up as easily. These are the extremely wealthy, cranky bastards that have earned their money the hard way, by screwing over others and they don’t intend to part with it, unless of course it is stolen from their cold, dead hands. These money pits enjoy toying with the emotional stability of our theatre gentlemen, stringing out their hopes for years, even decades, milking them for as many freebies as possible – free tickets, meals, aged scotch, fine cigars, backstage passes for their grandchildren, seat upgrades. It’s a sad day at the theatre when the Last Will and Testament of the wretched ogre has been read and the realization dawns that the theatre has been left nothing.

Similar groveling occurs when the potential for government funding occurs. I’m sure it was Shakespeare himself that said “he, who has the softest lips, receives the greatest funding.” A lesson or two was learned by these men – don’t put all of your eggs in one basket, as changes within the government can occur quickly and often (especially here in Canada). Change within the governing political party, will lead to a whole new set of asses lining up for the kissing to begin. Chapstick should be applied as often as needed.

It’s hard to imagine how these theatre heads manage to look at themselves in the mirror at the end of the day, as these gentlemen are nothing more than well paid, man-whores, whom have become desensitized to selling their souls (and occasionally, their affections) for a buck or two – all in support of the arts.

15 June, 2009

Trust Me, When I Say - I Will Make You Pay…

I don’t even know where to start this blog – last week was a crazy week and I was so pissed off at the events of last week that I just could bring myself to put my thoughts into words. With a calmer head, I’m going to tell you the tale of how naïve a teenage boy can actually be.

Apart from the basics like he doesn’t clean his room, do his homework without being flogged or have common sense when to keep his mouth shut, I don’t have too many complaints about my son. He is a good kid – he’s fun loving, compassionate, honest and maybe to a fault - he’s trusting (at least he was). I know you may think that a being trusting is a great trait and I’m sure it’s a trait he’s picked up from his father because I, on the other hand do not trust anyone 100%. Call me a cynic, but I guess that comes from my years spent working with lawyers and commissioned sales people – I’m bitter and I’m o.k. with it.

Now for the back story - last Saturday, we purchased my son a video camera. The point of the purchase wash twofold - he is heading on a trip to Alaska in July, we thought it would be nice if he was able to document his trip and as he would be in Alaska on his 17th birthday, the camera would also act as his birthday present and to make sure that he was familiar it, he was allowed to take possession of it early.

Let me just say, the boy was elated with this new toy. He thanked us profusely for the gift and proceeded to spend the next 3 nights outside (in the fresh air) playing with it – not in his room on his PlayStation 3 or on his computer attached to MSN. Some say it was a miracle! As an added bonus, as part of his end of year English project, he and his buddies were filming an adventure commercial and the new video camera would come in handy. Right? One would think…

On Thursday afternoon, I receive a call from my son informing me that he’ll be staying after school to work on the “filming project” and asking if I can pick him up at 8:00. “No problem, see you then, be careful, have fun and make sure you actually work on that project”, I say. Knowing full well, they will work on the project for approximately 1 hour and then they will go swimming at the local “swimming hole”. It’s what I would do and because my son and I are so much alike (except for the trust factor), I know it’s what he will do too.

On Thursday evening at 7:30 p.m., I receive a phone call from a number I don’t recognize, but since my “spidey senses are tingling” and my son is still out and about; I decide to answer it instead of letting the machine pick it up. It’s my son on the other end and he is distraught – someone has stolen his backpack – the backpack containing his camera and cell phone. “F---K”! Are the first words out of my mouth, followed by “You better not be screwing with me! I’ll be right there to pick you up.” The kid also has a sense of humor, so you never know what he might be up to. Shame on me.

When I hang up and relay the message to my husband. His response was not one of kindness and it certainly wasn’t thought through. “What is he stupid?” Let me just say, my husband will think twice or perhaps three times before he says something like that again - especially after I threatened to run his camera equipment over with my car – just to see how it made him feel to lose something of importance to him.

I am a mother and with that job and regardless of the situation, there is a certain sense of protectionism and entitlement; including the entitlement to the naming calling of my son. If anyone is going to call him stupid, it wouldn’t be his father – it would be me damn it, but even I happen to have the common sense to save the name calling for a moment when the kid hadn’t already been kicked in the proverbial groin and was feeling like a piece of shit.

Believe me, he was feeling like crap – he just lost his new video camera (less than a week old), his lifeline had also been stolen (cell phone with texting), his backpack had been burned – along with his shorts, belt and gym clothes. His math text book was torn to pieces with less than a week of school to go and to top things off, the video camera contained the completed English “project” for not only him, but six of his friends. The only thing remaining were the shorts he went swimming in (aka when the backpack was left unattended).

Stupid move on my son's part? Most definitely, yes, but it has also served as a life lesson, although a harsh one. With tears in his eyes, his only comment to me was “I’m sorry mom; I honestly didn’t expect anyone in our small town to do such a thing.”

I could care less about the personal items that were lost as they can be replaced, but believe me, if I ever find out who violated my son’s trust, they better hope they have a head start because I will hunt them down and make them pay. Did I happen to mention that I am fiercely protective?

I've learned - that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

13 June, 2009

Stay Thirsty My Friends...

These are certainly some of the most entertaining commercials I have witnessed in a long time. I’ll admit that if it weren’t for these Dos Equis commercials, I would still be swigging back on Corona, but I found them to be so amusing that I just couldn’t resist picking up a six pack to see what this man had to offer.

Well, now that I’ve experienced the “Most Interesting Man in the World”, I won’t be going back. Best part is – the beer is pretty good too! Stay Thirsty My Friends…

12 June, 2009

Kreativity and Me…

I’ve been fortunate enough to receive the Kreativ Blogger Award from Judge Fudge and I didn’t even have to ass kiss for it, but just to be clear, I would have.

My interpretation of the rules are:

  • Post the Kreativ Blogger logo on my blog, which has been done.
  • List 7 things I love – there are a lot more than 7 and most of them involve food and drinks, but I’ve narrowed it down.
  • Nominate 7 other bloggers worthy of this award.

7 Things I Love (in no particular order)

  • Grand Slam Breakfasts @ Denny’s
  • Vacations – preferably somewhere warm
  • Afternoon Naps
  • Margaritas and Beer (if taken together, it’s consider one item)
  • Scuba Diving
  • My family and friends (almost all of the time)
  • 4:30 every weekday

My nominees are:

11 June, 2009

Look Out! She’s Going for the Razor Blades…

Can someone please tell me why razor blades are kept behind “security” shelving in Wal-Mart? You know the shelf with the clear plastic sneeze guard lid on it?

This is the same security unit that emits an ear-piercing alarm when you lift the lid to retrieve your razor blades, which it turn scares the beegeezus out of you and puts the pharmacists on high alert for roving bandits armed with packages of Mach 3’s. All I can say - you better be sure you have selected the correct package before you lift the lid because if you do it twice within a short period of time, I’m sure a secret alarm is sent to local law enforcement agencies, alerting them of the potential hostage incident about to unfold.

Come on - it’s not like these razor blades could immediately be used as weapons. Considering the packaging they come in, it would require great technical skill and a sharp object before access could be gained – both of which I happen to lack. “Attention Wal-Mart shoppers”, in case you hadn’t noticed, the disposable razors blades are left unattended, run for your lives.

I would have had a better chance of going unnoticed if I purchased lice shampoo, a party size package of condoms and an early detection pregnancy kit. All I wanted to do was purchase some freakin razor blades, but instead I’m meant to feel like a second rate shoplifter – one with hairy legs no less!

10 June, 2009

"Make a Wish Wednesday"

My Wish: I wish people could figure out how to drive through a roundabout and then DO IT properly.

I work in a city which has over the past few years have embraced the benefits of traffic circles. They have become so fond of these circular death traps that they have added no less than 11 roundabouts to the region – 5 of these in less than a 3 mile stretch. I would consider myself fortunate if I’m able survive one of these, but I’m blessed enough to maneuver through the “dance of death” each and every day – 5 times each way, for a total of 10 times each day. I should really purchase more life insurance, because it’s truly a wonder how I manage to make it out of these alive.

According to the City’s website, the purpose of these traffic circles is to “improve road safety, manage increased traffic demand, and help improve air quality by eliminating unnecessary stops and idling”. Have these people actually driven through one of these and lived to tell about it?

In a perfect world, yes I am sure that these circular intersections could work fantastically; however for the “common sense impaired”, these roundabouts cause chaos and confusion and utter frustration to those of us unfortunate enough to either be following the common sense impaired or enter the traffic circle at the same time one of these lunatics have entered the wrong lane and aren’t quite coordinated enough to check their mirrors, maneuver a lane change – all while talking on their cell phones and driving a stick shift! But wait, if the uncoordinated doesn’t impede your process, you always can take your chances with the little old man that sits a the start of the traffic circle, signaling a left hand turn, patiently waiting for traffic to clear and when it doesn’t – he decides to make a run for it and turns left into oncoming traffic. The sad part, he is then so distraught at the honking of car horns and the uplifting of the middle fingers that he slams on his brakes while trying to figure out what went wrong.

In order to combat the insanity of these roundabouts, you would think I would just find an alternative route, but I’m not one to back down from a challenge. I love the adrenaline rush brought on by a successful combat mission. I now view my daily trips just as I would a game of Frogger – speed up going into them, move quickly going through them and just do what needs to be done and don’t hesitate. Oh and I can’t forget to anticipate the moves of the “common sense impaired” because I know they are out there – I’ve witnessed them in action and my name is on a few accident police reports to prove it.

09 June, 2009

Cube Trolls and Karma...

As the mind-numbing boredom begins to kick-in, I begin the self-contemplation process…again. It’s 9:00 a.m. on Tuesday and this process has already occurred twice today and twice as many times yesterday.

It usually starts with one simple question, “What the hell happened to me?” Before I even have a chance to conjure an answer, it leads to next question “When exactly did the proverbial Amtrak train jump the rails and begin its plummet down the mountainside into the deep, boulder-strewn ravine?”

“What karmic debt remains unpaid?” “Have I offended the god of office politics at some point in my life?” Most likely the answer to the later is yes. I’m not great with sharing simple office niceties and could really care less about how my cube-dwelling neighbor spent her weekend or how the latest lunch hour shopping spree netted Bimbo #1, the cutest, most spectacular pair of shoes! To put it simply, I’m not interested, I don’t care. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a thoughtless, insensitive individual and I love shoes, but why should I pretend to care about someone’s shoes, when I don’t. Why should I exhaust my already taxed energy reserves, listening to boorish reenactments of things I don’t really give a rat’s ass about?

Not only do I despise trivial office chit chat like how much my coworker drank the night before, I also don’t have an ounce of patience for stupid people. Now, I’ve heard the saying that “there is no such thing as a stupid question”. Well let me tell you - those individuals that believe this were blessed to have never crossed paths with a stupid person or they are either stupid people themselves and don’t recognize the signs. For every stupid person, there are at least as many stupid questions. Now I’m certainly not a rocket scientist and I likely appear to others as being an outspoken, sometimes hostile, thirty forty something woman that just doesn’t care who she offends by what she has to say. I care, but just not enough to stop me from being honest. Believe me, I know a stupid question when I hear one and during my career, I have tolerated enough stupid people and their stupid questions that I shouldn’t have to care if I offend someone with an honest opinion.

I don’t believe in lying to someone just for the sake of saving their feelings from being hurt. Honesty is the best policy and I believe that you can deliver any message – good or bad with a smile on your face and a tone in your voice that will leave your target wondering what the hell just happened to them.

In fact, I would love to yell “get away from my cube you stupid troll and don't come back until you have something intelligent to say”, but I don’t. I simply smile and make idle chit chat with hope that they quickly move on - all while trying not to seem too interested in what they are saying in case they decide to stay or god forbid return tomorrow.

Yep, I’ve probably offended the ass-kissing gods at some point in time. Likely not only once, but I suspect on a daily, frequent flyer kind of basis.

08 June, 2009

World Oceans Day Blog-A-Thon - June 8th

I’ve decided to take a different approach to the 2009 Theme “One Ocean, One Climate, One Future” and will be providing you with some interesting ocean-related facts (the opinions expressed here are mine and are not meant to reflect poorly on anyone but myself):

  • Largest Ocean - Pacific (64,186,000 square miles) and the deepest part is the Mariana’s Trench at a depth of 36,200 feet deep.
  • Scariest “Ocean Related” Movie – Jaws. Being a scuba diver, I still get freaked out when I’m waiting for the dive boat to pick me up – who knows what's lurking about and will view me as its lunch.
  • Scariest “Ocean Related” Book – Meg (by Steve Alten) – Similar to Jaws, but this time it’s a megalodon which has been dredged up from the Marianas Trench. While I was diving in Micronesia (close to the Marianas Trench), I thought about this book quite often. [insert theme music from Jaws]
  • Best “Ocean Related” Movie – Finding Nemo. Let’s be honest, who hasn’t done an impression of Dori?
  • Dumbest “Ocean Related” Movie – There are a lot of these including Open Water, The Deep and Deep Blue Sea, but I would have to say Titanic is by far the worst. I realize it was based on a true story, but pleeeease. I wanted to poke my eye out after the first 15 minutes, but that’s mostly like because I detest Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio.
  • Funniest “Ocean Related” Movie Theme Song – So Long and Thanks for All the Fish (Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)
  • Most Memorable “Ocean Related” Movie Theme Song – Jaws theme song (dum dum dum dum)
  • Best “Ocean Related” Television Show – Sponge Bob SquarePants. I love Patrick Star! Also, Flipper and who could forget a Canadian favorite - The Beachcombers.
  • Cheesiest “Ocean Related” Television Show – Baywatch. Yes, I admit to watching it, but it certainly was like a train wreck – you just couldn’t look away (and not for the reasons you are all thinking of)
  • Best “Ocean Related” Quote – “Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn’t happen” (Stephen Wright)
  • Cheesiest “Ocean Related” Quote - “I dropped a tear in the ocean and whenever they find it, I’ll stop loving you, only then”. (Unknown – I can’t imagine why they chose to remain unknown)

Now for the serious stuff - oceans play an integral part in everything that is our planet – from climate regulation, food sources and jobs. Oceans act like a giant sponge that soaks up extra carbon dioxide from our environment. Unfortunately, human activity is sucking the life out of it – literally.

We need to work together, doing all we can to conserve our liquid backyard – before our beaches have eroded and are non-existent, our coral reefs have been polluted and bleached beyond recognition and one of our food sources have become extinct. Future generations also deserve the opportunity to enjoy healthy, living oceans.

Photo Courtesy of My Friend - Dixie (yes, that's her real name)

05 June, 2009

World Oceans Day Blog-A-Thon - June 8th

Chris, at Here, There and Everywhere (who happens to be a marine biologist), is featuring a great way for us to show our appreciation for our oceans. The Ocean Project is hosting a Blog-A-Thon in honor of World Oceans Day on June 8th.

If you would like to participate, just stop by her blog and let her know that you will be participating on June 8th. The theme for 2009 is "One Ocean, One Climate, One Future", but you can write about anything ocean or sea related that interests you.