“A Means To An End”…
I’ve always been perplexed by that phrase, but now that I have a specific goal in mind, that phrase holds new meaning to me. “A means to an end” is exactly what my job is…something done to achieve something else. My current job is simply a way to facilitate my disappearance from North America culture.
I’ve always done well with my career, but I can say with 100% certainty that I don’t enjoy what I do and I haven’t enjoyed what it for probably the last decade. I’ve come to the realization of late that this latest job, while the most financially fruitful has left me feeling like I’ve sold out – money for happiness.
My previous jobs left me counting the hours down until the end of the day. I was always bored and unfulfilled, but I seemed to find a way to make it work. At least I had the freedom to come and go as I pleased, I was able to freely surf the internet, to blog, or to just laugh with co-workers.
Here, there’s none of that. Every hour of the day, I’m monitored in one way or another. My time in the office and time out of the office are watched carefully – by many, many eyes. I have no ability to leave even 10 minutes early without having to account for why or how I plan on making the time up. It’s ridiculous.
And then, there’s my boss. I should have known what I was getting myself into, as I worked with him in another life, but somehow I convinced myself that he would have mellowed with age. Such is not the case, if anything – age has heightened his anal-retentiveness and paranoid behavior. He has no ability to focus on the “big picture” and gets bogged down in the tiniest details. Don’t get me wrong, he’s brilliant, but that’s about all he’s got going for him.
I find myself simply saying “Okay, sure we can do it that way.”
But what I’m really thinking is “Are you friggin kidding me? Your thought process is ridiculous and we are going to look like idiots. Whatever, apparently I don’t get paid to streamline process. I get paid to be the cover girl of Boss Insanity Weekly.”
And with that said, it’s time to get back to work. After all, it’s a means to an end.