To My Loving Husband,
I am trying to say this in the kindest possible way, so please understand that I’m not trying to be harsh, but it just needs to be said – “Your effin aquarium hobby is expensive when the fish keep dying. Perhaps next time, we should just flush a 100 dollar bill down the toilet because it’s the same damn thing, EXCEPT I won’t have to go to the fish store with you! “
Your Supportive Wife
To The City Planning Department,
Let me commend you on your outstanding work. I can’t believe you have decided to install a roundabout as the only entrance/exit to the new Wal-Mart Superstore. Obviously, you have never actually driven through a roundabout, nor have you shopped at Wal-Mart on a Saturday during the holiday season. You might as well resign now because once the store opens and the accident lawsuits begin, you will become the scapegoats for poor planning.
Thank goodness I only work in this town and do not live here. This is a boondoggle waiting to happen. Idiots.
A Concerned Citizen
To My Sister-In-Law,
Planning a surprise birthday party for your husband is a fantastic idea; however having it in September when his actual birthday is in January seems a bit too…hmmm, how can I say this? Stupid. Yes, stupid. Oh, and lazy too. I realize you want it to be a surprise, but isn’t there another day closer to his actual birthday that will work? It’s called planning and creativity. Get off your ass and try it some time.
To My Boss,
In case you haven’t noticed, the tasks you give me are tedious. Stop calling them “projects”. You aren’t fooling anyone - they aren’t “projects”. They are shit jobs that you don’t want to do yourself or don’t know how to.
I love you dearly and please understand that I only want what’s best for you and your girlfriend isn’t it. She’s sucking the life out of you, which is sucking the life out of me. Your 18 and I’m not. I can’t stand the drama and am not equipped for it. May I suggest you cut your losses and move on?