Admitting Defeat...

For those that have been following this blog for awhile, you know that I have a terrible history for staying at one job for a long period of time.

Other than my favorite boss, whom I stayed with for 12 years and where I’d still be if it wasn’t for a non-solicitation clause in his employment agreement that kicked in after a corporate take-over, I’ve never lasted in a job position for more than 3 years. Yep, since 2000, I’ve worked for 6 different employers. I have varying reasons for why I left and moved on – everything from earning more money, needing more challenges, stupid co-workers, unbearable bosses, to extreme boredom and no work. The list goes on.

I’m hopeless in the sense that I can’t seem to find my career groove. I’ll toot my own horn and say that I’m really good at what I do, but tend to get bored, easily if not engaged. I liked to be challenged, but not micro-managed. I like the freedom to make decisions on my own, but also like knowing that if I need guidance or have questions, someone will be there to bounce ideas off of or back me up if I need assistance. I like being treated with respect. I don’t like to be chastised or made to feel like I’m stupid.

When I took my latest position, I was determined to stay put and not jump ship until the end of time…or at least until I could finish out my “5-7 year plan”. Well, here I am again – at the crossroads of “WTF and Hell-No I’m Not Doing This Any Longer”. I will have been here 3 years in November and I’m sad to say, that I’ve not been content a single day of that time and that’s no exaggeration. I wish it was.

Things started out okay (not good, just tolerable), but with every passing day/week/month, things have gotten increasingly worse. For the last six months, every single day when I come into work, I feel anxious about what the day will bring. Mondays are the worst. It’s gotten to the point, that I don’t sleep well on Sunday nights and I feel sick on Monday mornings. This is very unusual for me.

As I assess the situation, this is what I’ve asked myself:

What’s causing this? My boss – he’s a lawyer – enough said. He’s super smart, but should not be allowed to interact with humans. He has no grip on reality. He has no sense of what’s important and what should be given priority. What should take him days to complete, takes him months to finalize and then I get the blame because I didn’t prioritize it properly for him. He’s a master of twisting facts and turning minor issues into major problems. He’s not mean, but is very good a making everyone around him feel guilty for something. It’s like a bad marriage.

What’s keeping me here? The money. I’ll be honest, I get paid extremely well and have a bonus plan, which gets paid out every year. I’m ashamed to admit it, but money is the only thing that is keeping me here. I’m not sure I could do any better than what I’m doing here. I wouldn’t otherwise care, but I really don’t want to sacrifice my grand plans and turn them into a 10 year plan.

Can things be changed? No. There’s no hope. I wish there was.

Will I leave? I would love to say no, that I’m just having a bad day and overreacting, that tomorrow will be better, but it won’t be. I know that.

In the wise words of Kenny Rogers…

You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.

I will say that I’m contemplating my next move and putting out a few “feelers”. If I learned anything in life, it’s when to walk away…


Simply Suthern said…
3 years? Really? Doesnt seem that long since you changed. Even tho to you it prolly seems like an eternity.

Bad jobs eat holes in the soul.
*krystyn* said…
There is NO shame in admitting you are in a job purely for the least IMO anyway. Heck, I can't even say that in my case. LOL!! Hang in there and I hope something better comes along that is the perfect fit for you!! I've totally been there!!
Beatriz said…
Yeah a bad boss can make every moment at work and pre-work horrible. Hope the feeler's bring some results.
Ray Denzel said…
how long have I known you?

I have normally lasted 6 years with any employer, one exception, for 10 years. When one loses the energy to compete on a daily basis, it is time to move on.

In my case, I am running out of move ons!
Chrissy Starr said…
I can so relate to this. I never stay at jobs long, either. I, too, get bored but it's probably because we're so incredibly smart. At least, that's what I tell myself. My last job was the worst and I just decided to get out before I had a heart attack. Sorry you're feeling this way.
CrazyCris said…
HUGS!!! And good luck! :o)

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