21 November, 2011

Disclaimers Galore...

So here I am…in body and spirit.  I know it’s been awhile since I’ve been around and you’re probably saying to yourself “who cares”.  Well, I’m back to entertain (or not)…at least for today.
I have lots of excuses as to where I’ve been, but the biggest issues in my life right now are the fact that during the day work has been hectic and in the evening I’ve been busy preparing for my Christmas jewelry show next weekend and since Santa hasn’t provided me with any sweatshop elves, I’ve been on my own.
So, now that I done with the whining part, let’s get on with the cheesiness…
I was busily working away on some stuff here at work and needed to do a little research on some “legal” disclaimers, when I happened upon this great time-wasting website (www.coolsig.com).  Here are some of my favorite disclaimers…I wonder if anyone will notice when I imbed them within the fine print…
Government Warning: We are corrupt and have sold out to corporate interest. Do not listen to our advice.
My opinion is neither copyrighted nor trademarked, and it's price competitive. If you like, I'll trade for one of yours.
None of the ideas expressed above are actually mine. They are told to me by Luthor and Ferdinand, the five inch tall space aliens who live under my desk. In return for these ideas, I have given them permission to eat any dust bunnies they may find under there.
WARNING: I cannot be held responsible for the above, as apparently my cats have learned how to type.
IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social fauxpas. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the mutt next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.
The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of my employer, not necessarily mine, and probably not necessary.

11 November, 2011

Too Boring To Blog About It...

That's it...nothing going on, so I won't bother you with the drivel. In other boring news...it snowed today and with that my life is on the downslide until May. On that happy note - have a GREAT weekend!

02 November, 2011

Canadian Fashion Attire...a repost...

So, in response to the question - what is a toque?  Here is a repost I had done awhile back about Canadian fashion attire...enjoy the beauty of it all....(jealous aren't you?)

There is no escaping the crap that is a Canadian winter and there is no denying the fact that – I am a terrible Canadian. I detest winter so much that I daydream that the Canadian government would realize how terrible of a Canadian I actually am, kick me out of the country, ban me for life from watching hockey and revoke my god-given right to wear a toque or a dickey for the rest of my life.
For those not familiar with Canadianisms a toque is a hat, which is most likely made of wool, knitted in a hideous pattern and colors and perhaps with a baseball size tassel adorning the top. These wonderful items are worn with pride, pulled down as far as possible, to cover your ears and most of your eyebrows, essentially hiding the identity of the wearer. In honesty, there is no pride in wearing this item; they are actually a cold weather necessity, which doubles as a disguise.

A dickey is a turtle-neck sweater without the sweater – just the neck and about an inch or two of fabric surrounding the base of the neck. I think the dickey originated on Christmas Eve and legend has it that the inventor of the dickey was an elderly grandma, too drunk on Christmas cheer to finish the wonderful turtle neck sweater she had set out to knit in time for gifting on Christmas morning.

The rest is fashion history; although fashion is not an essential part of a Canadian winter – survival is and if you want to survive, you better adorn these Canadian essentials.

01 November, 2011

Ten Signs...

I realize it’s technically not winter yet, but I’m fed up already and I haven’t even seen a snowflake yet. 
With only one month remaining until I vacate this country for the sunny south, here’s my top 10 list which might indicate you also need a vacation to a sunny, warm destination…
1.       “Wind chill” is suddenly the new catch phrase.
2.       You go to work in the dark and you come home in the dark.
3.       It’s the first day of November and you have appointment to have your snow tires put on.
4.       It’s the first day of November and Christmas has thrown up all over the mall.
5.       It’s the first day of November and Vegas bookies have started taking bets on when the first Christmas carol will be played on the radio.
6.       You’ve become emotionally attached to flannel sheets and electric blankets.
7.       The space heater under your desk hasn’t been turned off since September.
8.       You’ve had to go on a scavenger hunt to find your ice scraper, winter boots, mittens and toque (let me know if I have to explain that one).
9.       You’ve switched from drinking margaritas to spiced rum and warm cider, with an extra hint of spiced rum.
10.   Your legs have become so furry; your spouse thinks he’s sleeping with a Yeti.
There you have it.  It’s time for a getaway…