Open Letters....
To My Loving
Husband,
I am trying to say
this in the kindest possible way, so please understand that I’m not trying to
be harsh, but it just needs to be said – “Your effin aquarium hobby is
expensive when the fish keep dying.
Perhaps next time, we should just flush a 100 dollar bill down the
toilet because it’s the same damn thing, EXCEPT I won’t have to go to the fish
store with you! “
Love,
Your Supportive Wife
To The City Planning Department,
Let me commend you on your outstanding work. I can’t believe you
have decided to install a roundabout as the only entrance/exit to the new
Wal-Mart Superstore. Obviously, you
have never actually driven through a roundabout, nor have you shopped at
Wal-Mart on a Saturday during the holiday season. You might as well resign now because once the
store opens and the accident lawsuits begin, you will become the scapegoats for
poor planning.
Thank goodness I only work in this town and do not live here. This is a boondoggle waiting to happen. Idiots.
Regards,
A Concerned Citizen
To My Sister-In-Law,
Planning a surprise
birthday party for your husband is a fantastic idea; however having it in
September when his actual birthday is in January seems a bit too…hmmm, how can
I say this? Stupid. Yes, stupid.
Oh, and lazy too. I realize you
want it to be a surprise, but isn’t there another day closer to his actual
birthday that will work? It’s called
planning and creativity. Get off your
ass and try it some time.
Hugs,
S
To My Boss,
In case you haven’t
noticed, the tasks you give me are tedious.
Stop calling them “projects”.
You aren’t fooling anyone - they aren’t “projects”. They are shit jobs that you don’t want to do
yourself or don’t know how to.
Thanks,
S
Dearest Son,
I love you dearly
and please understand that I only want what’s best for you and your girlfriend
isn’t it. She’s sucking the life out of
you, which is sucking the life out of me.
Your 18 and I’m not. I can’t
stand the drama and am not equipped for it.
May I suggest you cut your losses and move on?
Love,
Mom
Comments
Believe me.
As a child of a mother who had too many opinions no good can ever come of it.
And you would be amazed at how girlfriend (boyfriends) reenter the picture-your son will forget his anger, but he will never forget if you said something bad.
This is also a rule I follow for my friends-so I'm not admonishing you.
My family tried to get involved with my romances and I didn't take to kindly to it, so I do just as you say - smile and look concerned.
ouch on the fish and sons girlfriend....hmm...does he read this?
We have roundabouts here. Out in the dang sticks. They never figured out 4 way stops so I guess they figured no stopping would be better. They should build the roundabout around Walmart.
Good Luck with the girlfriend thing. The more we complain the more attached he gets.
Have a great evening :)
What up with your sister-in-law and the four-month-early birthday party? I'm betting that making it so early will make your brother, shall we say, uncomfortable. No?
I especially enjoyed your letter to your boss. So so true.
An intersection with lights cost about $500,000 to build, however more cost effiecient in the long run. They will see! I wonder if Wal Mart complained?
Surprise parties are too much work and many times not fun.
your son will get over it, eventually, in a million tears!
- JB