Journey & Adventure

This was sent to me today and I just had to share - I bet you can relate…enjoy! As we progress into 2013, I want to thank you all for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery. I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel. I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed. I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose. Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years. I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet. I must send my special thanks for the email abou...

I was sent this in a e-mail today and thought I'd share a chuckle with you... TRUTH My Favorite Animal Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do,too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed,too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not ...

A friend sent this to me via e-mail.  It's so great, I had to share... When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill...Barefoot... BOTH ways… yadda, yadda, yadda And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But now that I'm over the ripe old age of Forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!   And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wa...

Today's post is brought to you by an e-mail I received from a friend... Where Would You Be? If – You had all the money your heart desires? If – You had no worries? If – You came home and the finest meal is awaiting you? If – Your bath water had been run? If – You had the perfect kids or pets? If – Your partner was awaiting you, with open arms and kisses? So, where would you be? Well?  Hellooooo!!! You’d be in the WRONG house! Have a great day!

(Last Photo Courtesy of Rodney @ Blankney Journal ) HAPPY MONDAY!

Dear Friends, Just as the New Year begins, I wanted to thank you for the emails you have forwarded over the past year. I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft is sending me for participating in their special email programs. Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me. I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within five ...

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Canadians: The saddest part... I can relate to them all. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you may live in Canada . If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Canada . If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Canada . If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialled a wrong number, you may live in Canada . If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Detroit for the weekend, you may live in Canada . If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Canada . If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Canada . If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day, and back again, you may live in Canada . If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without fl inching, you may live in Canada ...

This little tidbit was passed along to me and because I'm a good person, (albeit mathematically challenged), I thought you would also be interested in some indisputable mathematical logic: What makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where our boss wants us to give over 100%. How about achieving 103? What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Were represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% And... K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But... A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% And... B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% AND, look how far ass kissing will take you... A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118% So, on...

I apologize in advance for my lack of originality with this post. I stole it from a work-related e-mail (aka funny co-worker). I was in a pub yesterday when I suddenly realized that I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everyone was staring at me. Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

I have this feeling all of the time...

You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines. You're not offended by the term "Homo Milk" You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine on the couch". You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars. You drink pop, not soda. You know what it means to be on pogey. You take out the garbage, not the trash. You know that a mickey and a 2-4 means "Party!" You can drink legally while still a teen. You know that francophones, anglophones and allophones are not electronic devices. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars. You're not sure if the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and don't want to know if he has! You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway. You drive on a highway, not a freeway. You ...