Conversations I Need to Have...

With A Friend

Contrary to popular belief, you DO NOT know it all.  I know this is a hard reality pill to swallow, but as a friend it needs to be said.  I know you believe yourself to be an authority on places you haven’t been and things you haven’t done; however just because you read about it on Facebook, doesn’t make it true or make you an expert.  Shocking isn’t it?  

With Another Friend

If you want to get ahead in the workplace, stop being so stupid and getting drunk at company functions.  Seriously, you won’t make any friends by acting like an idiot and barfing in public.  Just saying…you’re an ass and I’ve lost interest in your career aspiration work woes. 

With a Co-Worker

Just because you work for the President of the company, does not give you the right to freak out at others when the photocopier runs out of paper in the middle of your copy job.  I know you believe that it was done intentionally to sabotage you, but perhaps you should consider having your meds adjusted.

With Another Co-Worker

Your work ethic is admirable; however I do not appreciate you coming into work with the flu.  I don’t care how much work you have to do, nor do I care that you are sanitizing your hands often.   I DO care about the fact that you are spewing your germs around every time you cough or breath in my vicinity.  Please stay home for a couple of days.  Trust me – you feel better and I won’t have to listen to your suffering.

With My Son

You are technically an adult.  I still support you because I’m looking out for your well-being and want to give you every opportunity to succeed in life.   If you want your X-Box subscription renewed, may I suggest you get a job to pay for it?  Online gaming is not what I consider a necessity.  Reality is cruel…get used to it.

With Myself

If you hope to wear a bathing suit anytime in the near future and not be mistaken for a beached whale, get off your ass and exercise already.  It’s early February and your still haven’t attempted to do anything with that extra holiday tonnage.   Let me be the first to tell you that dusting your treadmill does not count as exercise.  You have to actually use it in order to make a difference.   Enough said…lazy ass.