“Running won't kill you, you'll pass out first!”

Well, after last night and the torture/running clinic, I’m happy to report the following:

• The running instructor chose a ghetto route for our first run. There is nothing like a little visual motivation to keep you running and the verbal heckling from the crack heads and AA rejects certainly provided some positive reinforcement.

• It was a 3K running clinic, so silly me thought we should have stopped at the 3K mark, but apparently the instructor didn’t get THAT memo and we ended up finally stopping at 2.25 miles or 3.6K. It may have been my cursing and threat of a lawsuit that suddenly encouraged her change of heart.

• There were three running instructors in total and each one of them would ask at alternating intervals “Are you having fun? Are you feeling any pain?” WTH? I couldn’t even manage a breath to respond to those stupid inquiries and as God as my witness, if I could have caught up to any of them, I would have tackled them to the ground and kicked them in the shins.

• When my friend asked if I was interested in joining her, she informed me it would only be for 1 hour, 1 night a week. Easy peasy – right? Turns out - she was WRONG and I’m required to run with the fanatics 2 nights a week and the nights I’m not running with them, I should be cross training, running on my own or riding my bike. Hell no! The new television season is about to start and without the new season, I will be caused undue stress and suffering. Now you can understand, why I NEED new friends – the ones I have are either dysfunctional or pathological liars.

• There is a reason why I’ve never taken up running before – it’s awful, but I’m hopeful it will get better, but if it doesn’t get better, I’m at least hoping I get a little faster so that I can catch up to those instructors and ask them “Are you feeling any pain with my foot up your ass?”. Ahhh, it’s good to have a personal goal…

• On the upside, I’m still alive when I seriously doubted I wouldn’t be and since I’m too stubborn to quit, from this point on my motto will be “suck it up buttercup.”