Misery and Passion...

Holy crap, here I go again. It’s Tuesday morning and before I have even had a chance to finish my first cup of coffee, I’ve ran out of things to do. How the hell am I going to make it through the next 8 hours?

I’m starting to get the feeling that I am a certain someone’s insurance policy. It’s like I’ve been brought here for no other reason than a potential backup for the scenario “in case someone gets hit by a bus”. This scenario in the corporate world, I believe is called cross training. Yep, it makes perfect sense - considering I am serving no other real purpose than taking up space and sucking up air that could otherwise be used by the actual participating, contributing members of working society. Once I again, I ponder my future.

I can’t seem to win. When I have enough work to keep me busy and the days are whizzing by, I am stuck working for asses in a virtual hell-hole. Then, when I finally have an employer that I enjoy working with, I don’t have enough work to get me through the first hour of my day. Either way, the end results are the same – I am miserable. If it wasn’t for the sad economy and the need for a pay check, I would be moving on to greener, more fruitful pastures. I want to be passionate about something other than lunch.

This ongoing lack of career fulfillment is a plague that has shadowed me for far too long. I obviously have bad judgment or issues with my moral compass. Is there such a thing as echolocation for humans? I liken myself to a whale that repeatedly beaches itself for no apparent reason. I flounder about, suffocating in my own misery, until I’m pushed into deeper water, free at last; however my freedom is short-lived and before you know it, I’ve turned from my voyage to open water and have proceeded to once again beach myself into misery and despair. How long will my carcass rot in the sun this time? Will the tide turn? Will there ever be another chance to swim to freedom or am I simply destined for mediocrity? Ughh!!

Like innocent bystanders, my friends and family members watch helplessly, knowing full well that they could not have predicted my next move or convinced me that perhaps I should rethink career paths entirely, because in the end, I would do what I wanted to do, no matter what the consequences. My career life is like a car accident – you slow down to take a look, regardless of how gruesome the sight might be.

Believe me, I try to find things to occupy my day. I’ve alphabetized, digitized, prioritized and organized everything within my path and surrounding areas. I’ve color coded files, created lists, spreadsheets, flowcharts, summary sheets, organizational charts and databases. I’ve even created a database of all of my databases. My only option for entertainment is to start making fun on my co-workers and they aren't that entertaining to begin with. Seriously, I need help.