Reasons I Hate Mondays...

“Mondays are the potholes in the road of life”. Tom Wilson

Reasons I Hate Mondays...

• I always need to stop at the gas station on Monday mornings. One would think I would plan ahead and just fill-up on Sundays, but sadly – no. I guess I’m too stubborn to admit that I didn’t win the weekend lottery and will in fact have to go to work.

• On Mondays, my commute route is littered by “speed traps”. If I were a cop, I would prefer to catch speeders on a Friday – you know catching them as they race to start the weekend, but sadly I’m not a cop and as such don’t make the rules. Only sick bastard cops insist on catching those poor people that have hit the snooze button a few too many times and then had to stop and get gas and haven’t had their damn coffee yet. Yes, I am speaking from experience!

• On Mondays, the drive-thru at the coffee shop is always packed with lazy-asses that refuse to get out of their car and walk inside to get their coffee. Yes, I realize I’m one of those lazy-asses today, but I have a couple of excuses. One - I’ve already gotten out of my car to get gas and I don’t feel the need to do it again and two – I’m avoiding people that I work with. There is nothing worse that waiting in line and have to make small talk chit chat with our HR Manager. I dislike her on a daily basis, but on Mondays, she cannot be tolerated and I cannot be trusted to properly use my “common sense” filter in her presence.

• On Mondays, my desk is usually cluttered with crap that my boss has placed upon it over the weekend. Since he doesn’t actually have a life, he takes the opportunity of the weekend to clean up his office and my desk is his dumping ground. God forbid he actually puts anything in the garbage, recycle or shredder himself. No, it’s obviously an efficient use of his time and mine to place post-it notes on ever single piece of paper with “file”, “shred”, “recycle” or “garbage” instructions on them. It’s pathetically sad, but true. Who knew I was soooo stupid that I couldn’t figure out where empty used envelopes belong.

• I typically make myself lunch, but on Mondays I usually have it eaten by 10:15, so I’m forced out of the building to find something else for actual lunch. It’s usually always an unhealthy choice since I’m so friggin stressed out by it being a Monday that salad is simply not an option. Meatball sub, you have a date with destiny.

• I contemplate calling in sick everyday every Monday, but then worry that I might be needed for some important project at work that may have come up over the weekend. Oh yeah, who am I kidding? Unless you can count, adding paper to the photocopier and knowing how to read the post-it notes littering my desk, I haven’t done anything worthwhile here in months.

• I’d like to say, the joke is on them because they pay me a silly amount of money to do nothing all day, but sadly I’m not laughing because except for the blogging, what I do is mind-numbing - stick a finger in my eye, mind-numbing. Having so much time on my hands gives me no other choice than to focus on my co-worker’s faults and believe me, there is plenty to focus on and tomorrow is a new blog day.

“On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.”

H. Allen Smith