30 August, 2016

Restless...Time to Write Again?

Yes, I’m still here. I’m sure there isn’t anyone out there listening anymore. That’s okay though – I just need to write, vent, get a load off, whatever...

I’ve found myself increasingly restless as of late and cannot pinpoint my problem. These feelings usually come and go within and few days, but these current feelings have lasted more than a few months now. I’m not sure what the root cause it, but I have some suspects.

1. Work. Work just sucks. I DO NOT enjoy what I’m doing here and haven’t for some time, although I’m determined to stick around as my “Early Retirement Plan” is still in the works. Last thing I want to do is pull up the anchor only to leave in a few more years, BUT I also don’t know that I can stand to stick around that long. It’s not a horrible place to work, it’s just the job itself that is not fulfilling. Actually, it’s soul sucking.

2. Early Retirement Plan. How could this possibly be making me cranky? Well, it’s not happening FAST enough for my liking and it’s my own fault. I’m working hard to pay down debt as soon as possible, but debt is one of those things that bites you in the ass if you’re not careful. Well, it has bitten me. I wouldn’t say I’m in over my head, but I’m a little deeper than I’d like to be right now. I know I’ll get there, but once again – it’s not happening FAST enough.

3. End of Summer. The end of official summer is near and that’s sent me into a spiral of doom and gloom. Before you know it, winter will be upon us and there will be less enjoyable time being spent outdoors. I’d like to try and embrace the colder weather and still get outside, but I won’t and I know it.

4. Friendships. I have many “friends”, but not many close friends. That’s okay. I’d rather have a few close friends, than a ton of fake ones. I’ve recently discovered what I thought to be a true friendship was actually a friendship of convenience. When you no longer serve a purpose, neither does your friendship. I’ve suspected it for some time, but I chose to ignore it for years. Well, not anymore – life’s too short for toxic people. I’ve moved on.

5. Mid Life Crisis. Is this even a thing for women? I might be having one as we speak. I have an overwhelming desire to take up thru-hiking – the type of hiking where you strap on a backpack with everything you need to survive and hike hundreds of miles through wilderness for weeks/months on end. Yep. I don’t even know where to start on that one, but the thought of escaping routine, technology and the comforts of home has been consuming my life at the moment. It’s like the adult form of running away. A girl can dream…

Well I could go on, but I don’t want to depress anyone too badly of those of you that still may be out there. This mood too shall pass…

Hopefully life has been treating you fairly.