There is no escaping the crap that is a Canadian winter and there is no denying the fact that – I am a terrible Canadian. I detest winter so much that I daydream that the Canadian government would realize how terrible of a Canadian I actually am, kick me out of the country, ban me for life from watching hockey and revoke my god-given right to wear a toque or a dickey for the rest of my life.
For those not familiar with Canadianisms a toque is a hat, which is most likely made of wool, knitted in a hideous pattern and colors and perhaps with a baseball size tassel adorning the top. These wonderful items are worn with pride, pulled down as far as possible, to cover your ears and most of your eyebrows, essentially hiding the identity of the wearer. In honesty, there is no pride in wearing this item; they are actually a cold weather necessity, which doubles as a disguise. A dickey is a turtle-neck sweater without the sweater – just the neck and about an inch of fabric surrounding the base of the neck. I think the dickey originated on Christmas Eve and legend has it that the inventor of the dickey was an elderly grandma, too drunk on Christmas cheer to finish the wonderful turtle neck sweater she had set out to knit in time for gifting on Christmas morning.
The rest is fashion history; although fashion is not an essential part of a Canadian winter – survival is and if you want to survive, you better adorn these Canadian essentials.
Today, I have lost my survival instincts and my mind starts to wander to warmer climates and my next possible vacation destination.